Entertainment 2012, part IIGaywatch Monday, January 9th, 2012
This year’s entertainment landscape is so schizophrenic, it had to be broken down methodically, hence my two-part strategy. You know, like Kirstie Alley at a Krispy Kreme promising herself to just look at the glazed doughnuts.
Two words oughta get you into the cineplex: Magic Mike. Here’s six more: Joe Manganiello as Big Dick Richie. You may know him better as True Blood’s studly werewolf Alcide and he may be appearing full-frontal … now where is my train of thought? Oh, it got derailed by a visual and the hope that no prosthetic penis will be used a la Boogie Nights, even though Marky Mark is involved in the project.
This no-sex-in-the-champagne-room tale about male strippers also stars Channing Tatum in a life-imitating-art-imitating-life role – yes, he was a shake your moneymaker back at 19 – as he takes a younger dancer (Alex Pettyfer) under his thong, umm, wing. But, wait there’s more, if you act now we’ll also throw in Adam Rodriguez (Ugly Betty and CSI: Miami) as a fellow stripper. Rodriguez turned down a role in The Dark Knight Rises because it conflicted with him getting a cinematic rise of an altogether different nature.
Oh yeah, Matthew McConaughey is on board, but not as a bump and grinder, since his T-rex arms couldn’t pick up any dollars showered upon him if the ladies make it rain. If you need me, I’ll be in line pitching a tent – I mean … no, pitching a tent pretty much covers it – in front of a local theater. June 29.
There is absolutely nothing funny about the subject of bullying and its effects on those being subjected to it, whether its individuals or a community as whole, so please go see The Bully Project. We now return to Gaywatch already in progress. March 9.
Since Hollywood has mandated that Madonna is no longer allowed to appear on the big screen, for evidence please refer to any movie she was in except Desperately Seeking Susan, Dick Tracy, Truth Or Dare, A League Of Their Own and Evita, so what’s a material girl to do?
For the answer, check out her writing and directing on W.E., which has garnered the queen of pop’s look at King Edward VIII’s romance with American Wallis Simpson two Golden Globe noms, including Best Original Song for her song “Masterpiece” that plays at the end credits. Feb. 3.
Latifah and Parton
Dolly Parton joins Queen “I Haven’t Met the Right Man” Latifah for Joyful Noise, which is not a long-form infomercial for Beano. Rather, it’s an “Ebony and Ivory” type of story in which a black girl (Keke Palmer) and a white boy (Jeremy Jordan) join musical forces to possibly win a national choir competition. I really hope Dolly is playing the boy’s Auntie or Grandma and not his mother … talk about a late-in-life kid. Jan. 13.
Whitney Houston returns to the silver screen for the first time since 1996s The Preacher’s Wife.
Her new movie, Sparkle, involves a trio of sisters in a successful singing group and their subsequent dealings with fame and (wait for it) drugs. This potential celluloid comeback could spell O-S-C-A-R as ol’ Whit-Whit could hale Mary this role. God knows; she’s done her research. Aug. 10.
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