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Revealed: The back story of the mayor’s race

Commentary: Conversations with Nicole

Bob Filner and Chris Shaw

Well, I’m off to Canada this weekend (more on that in an upcoming column).

Just ugly

This has been one of the most ugly and negative mayoral races in our city’s history and no candidate for mayor has been so disliked or rejected by GLBT, Latino, African American and Asian leaders and voters as Carl DeMaio.

Disappointment, not anger should be aimed at Jerry Sanders

Many GLBT San Diegans are expressing their anger publicly and privately over Mayor Sanders’ endorsement of Carl DeMaio. I can understand great disappointment but not anger and not even dislike. We should all look at Jerry Sanders’ total record and life as a police chief, head of the United Way and Red Cross and mayor. He has always been there for us, the GLBT community. I cannot begin to tell you the pressure that the Republican Party and downtown millionaire establishment developers and the Tea Party, etc. are putting on Republican-elected officials … and, yes, the many threats. While I do not believe this is the reason Sanders endorsed DeMaio (I will keep that to myself) I have received calls from elected Republican officials who really hate Carl DeMaio and yet endorse him because of the pressure of the Republican Party, downtown establishment and those so afraid of having a mayor who is a progressive Democrat for the first time in decades. I also know that District Attorney Bonnie Dumanis is under unbelievable pressure to endorse Carl DeMaio. Very big pressure from the conservative Republican establishment.

Because of your endless comments, calls, emails etc about Sanders’ endorsement I have decided that in next week’s San Diego LGBT Weekly I will give the real story about Mayor Sanders’ change of heart about “gay marriage.” A story I promised one of his top aides I would never reveal until he left office, but feel now is the time to remind you all why we love this man and his family. Look for this exclusive story in next week’s issue of LGBT Weekly.

Why I am not supporting Carl DeMaio for mayor

Yes, there was indeed a time when I would have supported Carl DeMaio for mayor. Yes, maybe even over Bob Filner. Many of you know that Carl and I, at one time, had such a very close relationship that he even called it like “mother and son.” We were so close that at times we talked ‘til 3 a.m. I was at his new home when he “cooked” his first dinner for a few of us that included Tom Blair and former Marine Sgt. Bob Lehman – it was awful and we laughed all night.

I helped decorate his new council office and gave him religious gifts and his first book on the life of Harvey Milk. Yes, at times, it seemed to the community that Carl and I were inseparable and many of you warned me that he was “using” me as I helped him come out of the closet before he ran for City Council and introduced him to our GLBT community, its leaders, organizations and “mentor” him.

I remember, one time, I told Carl what a “big basket” this guy had at a bar we were at and Carl didn’t even know what “basket” meant! I took Carl to his first Center gala dinner, children’s toy drive and Easter egg hunt. Yes, I loved him like a son and, believe it or not, one cannot have had such a close relationship without your heart still having a little piece still there.

Carl was a very lonely gay man and wanted a relationship so very badly. I met some of his lovers and “flings” and many just used him. I wanted so very much for Carl to find true happiness. At times, Carl wanted to “write off” and leave our community and never come back to Hillcrest and I would talk him out of it, because many liberal gay Democrats treated him like “sh-t.” Many of you know that I defended Carl DeMaio in this very column for years and, in fact, stopped dead in its tracks a tenth floor City Council rumor that was spreading all over the place that Carl was allegedly involved in some kind of sexual act. To me, it was an ugly situation and I intervened and put an end to it quickly.

Carl was very honest and told many of us, even before he ran for City Council that he was aiming to become mayor, and this was his main goal.

The Carl DeMaio I knew is not the Carl DeMaio of today. He has sold his soul in his effort to achieve this office. Many of you have written to me and said that I must be a really “old dumb queen” not to see that Carl used and played me.

At this time, I have decided not to grant that interview to tell the complete story on the Carl DeMaio that I know, but I feel I owe you, my community, an explanation of our past relationship and an answer to your endless questions.

You see, all my life I have been like a “mother” and “mentored” gay leaders like, Russell Roybal, Susan Jester, Tony Zampella, Todd Gloria, Joseph Rocha, Big Mike and many, many more.

Some say that Carl DeMaio used both the conservative Republican establishment and the GLBT community, telling some in Hillcrest that we should wait and see when he becomes mayor that he will marry his lover, Johnathan Hale on the steps of City Hall and take a bold stand against the Boy Scouts anti-gay position and that he will advocate the gay agenda after he becomes mayor. Then he tells the radical right and Tea Party people and his fellow millionaires that he will not take a stand on “social or gay-rights issues.”

I am not supporting Carl DeMaio because we … San Diego does not know who this man really is. He has two political and social issue faces and is doing anything and everything he can to win. Also, the facts are that Carl DeMaio and Johnathan Hale will be the Ronald and Nancy Reagan of San Diego and we all know that Johnathan has a lot of influence and control over Carl. And Hale is a very mean-spirited and evil man.

This is Carl DeMaio’s real first love and relationship and we all know how our “first loves” make us blind to anything negative about them.

Carl DeMaio has only been in San Diego for about 7 years and he has always had an agenda for power and influence and, sad to say, my “son” has become like that child in the movie The Bad Seed. He has lied and used us all and may indeed have the last laugh as the citizens of San Diego do not know the real Carl DeMaio and his psycho, drama queen lover Johnathan Hale that we, his community and his “mother-mentor” knows.

Nicole Murray Ramirez has been an award-winning columnist since 1973, and a Latino and gay activist for well over 40 years. He is currently a city commissioner and has served the last five mayors of San Diego. He is also a national board member of the Harvey Milk Foundation and chairman of the International Court Council of the USA, Canada and Mexico. Nicolemrsandiego@aol.com

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Posted by on Oct 4, 2012. Filed under Bottom Highlights, Conversations with the Mayor of Hillcrest. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

8 Comments for “Revealed: The back story of the mayor’s race”

  1. Lame duck Jerry Sanders also endorsed Bonnie Dumanis before the primaries. We saw how that worked out. Considering the unpopularity of Sanders, I think Bob Filner should be smiling about the Sanders endorsement. It’s a curse.

  2. Listen up you “old dumb queen”- You’ve got four weeks to spill the beans on Dirty DeMaio or else we are going to be stuck with Mayor DeMaio for four long years. Don’t let this happen! If you see something, say something- it’s your civic duty to help your friends and neighbors cast their votes for mayor with both eyes wide open. It’s not enough that he dates Johnathan Hale, aka John Wyckoff, aka Johnathan Hackett (a convicted felon with multiple bankruptcies and restraining orders for domestic violence). We deserve to know about DeMaio’s professional and political shortcomings. Why shouldn’t we know “the complete story on the Carl DeMaio?” How can you possibly justify leaving us in the dark?

  3. Its easy to toss around phrases like “no candidate for mayor has been so disliked or rejected by GLBT ….” or , “that the Republican Party and downtown millionaire establishment developers and the Tea Party, etc. are putting on Republican-elected officials … and, yes, the many threats” without naming specific people….

    I know of many democrats and independents who are sickened by Filner – his lack of a plan, his rambling, his ineffectiveness in congress, HIS VOTING FOR DOMA, etc – Nicole, I will show you my contacts IF you will show me yours…

    Furthermore, Jerry Sanders doesn’t need your feeble attempt to justify his endorsement of Carl for Mayor. Anyone who know’s Jerry Sanders knows he is an independent, self made and confident person. He has proven time and time again that he has courage and loves this city. If he did not, HE WOULD NOT have endorsed Carl – he did it simply because Carl is a much better alternative than Filner.

    GLBT community members need to TRUST Jerry’s leadership and get behind electing the City’s first openly gay mayor.

    Why didn’t you offer an excuse for Dr. Irwin Jacobs (founder of Qualcomm) – one of if not the most stalwart Democrats in San Diego, who also chose Carl of the Democrat Filner for the best interest of the City.

    As far as why you are not endorsing Carl and the heart-chilling story how you “mothered” him (cough, excuse me… I think I lost my cookie), its totally pathetic.

    It’s about time for you to close your mouth, sit down and exit the room. It’s time for independent minded, solution oriented sane folks to come in… mop up, finish cleaning up this mess and turn off the lights…

  4. Vickie, you’re pathetic. Do you base all of your decisions on what irrelevant Nicole has to say? I think I would take my advice from writers from publications whose previous owners didn’t jump headfirst off a building.

    • Jake – that was my friend and lover who jumped headfirst off a building. Please be careful what you say even in this semi-anonymous format. Michael was a great man despite his many flaws.

  5. This has to be one of the most unprofessional, egotistical, childish articles I have ever read. Please don’t tell me that Nicole is being paid to describe to us the fantasy land she lives in.

  6. Carl DeMaio’s office is operating unfairly! They placed a lawn sign for support of Carl DeMaio on my partner and I’s yard this weekend – WE DID NOT REQUEST THIS! And never would support a GAY REP! Trash! He has sold himself and any of the LGBT Commiunity out also! Go away, CARL! BOB FILNER FOR MAYOR!

  7. Nicole – this would have been more effective if it was less about you and more about DeMaio’s changing positions on LGBT issues over time.

    Now, I’m no fan of Hale, but to call someone names like “psycho,” “evil,” and “drama queen” in print is childish and not worthy of the community’s gay paper. I must say, reading this years after I was responsible for editing your columns makes me question my own integrity while at the GLT. Did I really participate in this crap? I’m afraid I owe more than a few apologies.

    We in the community know about your own personal interests in “mentoring” future leaders and have all paid the price for having to call you Mom. Who do you think you’re fooling?

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