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Handling nuts

Social Chaos: Bill's Briefs

Being friendly with ones neighbors is a policy not to be ignored. One never knows when one might need a cup of sugar, squish of KY or sitter of cat. Of course there are exceptions: the troll with his windows blackened with garbage bags; the grandma whose makeup rivals the boys in Holiday on Ice and who whispers “Drop in … anytime” and there is the widow(er) who regales you with endless discourse on the perfection of the lost love.

Unfortunately my former neighbor was the winner of the “Avoid at Any Cost” prize … the religious nut.

I adhere to no specific sect/group/ism, yet I am a spiritual person. In my search for inner peace and strength, I take and respect the rational, uplifting tenets of love and compassion from all sides; so I am not referring to a seriously religious, kind, upright person. I’m talking about the nut! You know what I mean.

She enjoyed, with open door, the Sunday TV programs with their crowds of faithful enraptured by the words of their adored leaders whose show of humility is matched only by the splendor of their impeccably coiffed pompadours.

Weekdays, her radio blasted forth “The Word” to her sinning neighbors (especially me); at double volume when the speaker ranted, with justified condemnation against the gay community and its abomination the sin of Onan; in general, acting about as Christian as a Borgia pope.

The lady was always ordering (for a small fee + S&H) ) countless prayer shawls, pendants with sand from the Dead Sea, vials of holy water and special Bibles for her prayer closet (I never believed the rumors of an autographed Last Supper picture).

She was determined to save me. I finally stopped her from coming and lecturing me: I put a large picture of the Buddha on my door with the sign “Knock, if you seek the Truth.”

Yelp? Help!

Just when I thought I had a vague understanding of twittering and facebooking (Is that a word?), I encounter something called Yelp. On consultation with my Internet/neo-English linguistics guru, I find it is a Web site where one critiques local businesses.

“It’s like Rotten Tomatoes,” he said, certain I knew what he was talking about. I naturally assumed if I receive rotten tomatoes in a restaurant or supermarket, I can go to the site and complain. No. Rotten Tomatoes has nothing to do with tomatoes rotten or otherwise. It is for movie reviews!

I checked and found, for example, the list “The 100 Best Films of All Time” which has as No. 1 Toy Story II, No. 2 Man on a Wire, No. 3 Taxi to the Dark Side, etc. Hmm. Of all time? Need I comment?

Dear fellow seniors, I would suggest a random flick of the switch to the Turner Classic Movies channel offers a better chance for an evening of film enjoyment. Double Indemnity the other night was superb. Barbara Stanwyck as a blond! Youngsters, ask a senior.

As for Yelp assisting me in my restaurant choices, I hesitate. After reviewing the quality of comments on the Rotten Tomatoes site, I seriously wonder.



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Posted by on May 9, 2013. Filed under Bill's Briefs. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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