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COMMENTARY: A wake up call for me and all men


If there is any silver lining in this ongoing City Hall mess, it’s the ongoing discussion and spotlight on sexual harassment. We men badly need to educate ourselves more and start talking to women and asking them questions to educate ourselves. In this past week I’ve talked to Dr. Delores Jacobs, Rabbi Laurie Coskey, state Assemblywoman Lorena Gonzalez and Susan Jester. All of these women have given me a badly needed earful.

I’ve also talked to some victims of sexual abuse, assault and harassment. Very emotional and hurtful conversations that left me ashamed that I was so ignorant about this issue. I also talked to a mother whose 9-year-old daughter is asking questions after hearing about sexual harassment allegations almost every night on the TV news programs. I hope every teen and grown man out there joins me in educating themselves about this issue. By the way gay men, we don’t get a pass in terms of how we speak to and behave around women. Thanks for listening.

Nicole Murray Ramirez has been an award-winning columnist since 1973, and a Latino and gay activist for more than 40 years. He is currently a city commissioner and has served the last six mayors of San Diego. He is also a national board member of the Harvey Milk Foundation and chairman of the International Court Council of the USA, Canada and Mexico. Nicolemrsandiego@aol.com


Short URL: http://lgbtweekly.com/?p=39423

Posted by on Jul 26, 2013. Filed under Conversations with the Mayor of Hillcrest, Online Only, Top Highlights. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

14 Comments for “COMMENTARY: A wake up call for me and all men”

  1. Usually apologies have the word “sorry” in them. It appears that Ramirez is trying to say he made a mistake by defending the horrible actions of Filner.

    He say “we men” and “we gay men”. This should really focus on his personal blunder and irresponsibility. It is not about others, but about his own bad judgement.

    I’m a gay man and I knew from the beginning that Filner behaved like a jerk and did horrible things to women. Ramirez should man up and shop hiding behind the false facade of all men and all gay men. Is it really so hard to say “I was wrong and I am sorry”?


  2. Nicole, you are and always have been a complete idiot. While you were in the hospital, they should have wheeled you over to the psych ward for not only an observation, but for long-term care. Your not even relevant, which is the ironic thing. Most of the plastics that are nice to your face aren’t stupid and they know you use people. Where in the F*ck do you get off giving details of a persons relationship and reporting that it was “open”? Are you crazy? Regardless of what the mayor did or didn’t do- he and his ex should never speak to you again because you go out and share details of their relationship and then call his girlfriend a liar? What’s wrong with you, seriously? You have zero moral compass, you never had. You use people until they start making excuses to help you. Kudos for your help to the community, but beyond that your a hot mess. I for one would not want my name attached to anything you support because you are a shame to the LGBT community- and you are worse than Filner- showing up in places of business, taking your shirt off and showing people your overly developed chest and shoving it into peoples faces. So, as you wake up, realize you too have sexually harassed others- as I am for one scarred for life after looking at those melons.

  3. so while you go out and harass others, maybe light should be brought of the various things you have done. For example, my first day on a new job you walked into the place of business, looked at me in front of my co-workers and you said, “I think I know you.” My response was, “no, I don’t think so, I am newer to San Diego”… 5 minutes later you come back to my office, in front of my co-workers and say, “Oh, I know how I know you, I molested you when you were a young boy”… Right then and there I should have sued you and the company that I worked for. Your column should be yanked. Your an awful person and a pig.

    • He treated me with the same vulgar remarks when I worked for GLT.

    • yea, that’s what every child molester says to their victims…and your response to do nothing but slander a person in the blogs is bizzarro to say the least….

      and i hate to shock it to you princess – but gays don’t molest children – heteros molest children …rape isn’t about sex – it’s about power….that’s a hetero thing…

  4. filner spent 20 years in d.c. …and i’m sure every lobbyist and beggar of taxpayer monies knew that filner was controlled by his penis….

    maybe we need to look at the reality that hetero men can not be trusted to hold positions of power ..??

  5. Nicole, you are power hungry and a media spotlight whore. You threw Bronwyn Ingram under the bus and defended a self admitted abuser of women. Shame on you. Until you’re removed or you resign as a columnist of LGBT Weekly, I will not support any of its advertisers and will encourage others to do the same. I will also be writing each of them and asking them to ask for your removal.

  6. Also Nicole, don’t say “We men.” A real man already knows how to treat women. I work for women, I work with women and I have family members that are women; I know how to respect them. I also know how to respect all humans, regardless of their race, gender, age etc. Maybe it’s power hungry men such as yourself that don’t. So don’t put yourself in the same category as “Us men.”

  7. If (actually WHEN) — after 2 weeks of “intense” therapy (a.k.a. hiding from the press) — Filner returns and abuses one or more women, two problems arise.
    1. Dogged Filner apologists will call for MORE therapy — doubling down on their sucker bet. Never will they believe that bad people CHOOSE to act badly.
    2. The city of San Diego will be SOOOOO on the hook for damages — allowing a known woman abuser back into the highest position of power in city hall (actually, just allowing him to physically ENTER city hall at all!).

  8. Comedian Conan raised an issue that’s bugged me to no end. East coast media bias has kept the nation focused on Anthony Weiner and his, well….
    But what about San Diego’s Bob “Headlock” Filner?
    Here a “Perp-off” contest between the two.Three fun minutes. Enjoy.

  9. Libi- your logic is a step above brain dead. Read the definition of slander. All forms of the definition circle around making false statements. Well, I was there and so were 5 other people, so you can take your slander and run with it, however it doesn’t apply in this situation. And gays do not molest boys? What rock do you hide under? So I suppose all those priests that molested boys were as straight as a broken arrow. You are barking up the wrong tree, sweet heart. Ps, you sound more irrelevant than Nicole, because at least Nicole is a has been- and well, I’ve never heard of you.

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