O happy PrideBill's Briefs Thursday, July 9th, 2015
Social Chaos: Bill's Briefs
What a great theme we have this year for our Pride events: “Liberty and Justice for All.” The Supreme Court decision giving us all the right to marry certainly gives us extra reason to celebrate. So get out and join the crowd beginning with the Hillcrest Block Party Friday July 17. If you want a two-day free ticket for just two hours of your time, check sdpride.org and see if there are any last minute openings for volunteers. As usual, there will be food and entertainment galore, plus the ever-popular people-watching as the guys and gals get all gussied up and flash their flesh. Why not join them with your own fantasy outfit? Yes, naughty is fun, but please, those who love to go over the line (You know who you are) save it for the private parties. Call me an old grouch, but many gay and supportive straight families bring their kids to enjoy the parade and special children’s activities; let’s not alienate them. First timers will be surprised at the number and variety of booths sponsored by our local LGBT groups all ready to explain their organization and recruit new members, including the police department and armed forces! Seniors will be on view riding in a trolley. Give them a wave. They are members of FOG, the Fellowship of Older Gays. “Older” is very vague; if you remember disco and can shave, join us. The group will be sponsoring a “take a break” table with shade, seats and refreshments open to all. You may see me there as well as at the LGBT Weekly/Pride Card booth early Saturday afternoon. Come chat with me and some of the staff members. We’d be glad to hear your comments and suggestions.
For seniors, a mystery solved
Sorry, kids, many of you will probably have to ask an old-timer for an explanation. This brief is specifically for the senior seniors for whom I have great news. At last I have the answer to the mystery that has puzzled all of us for years. I assure you what you are about to learn is true. It was revealed to me by Lamont Cranston! You know; the one who knows. I trust I need say no more. We who loved “Let’s Pretend” in the morning and were terrified at night by that squeaky door must think back to other best-loved memories and how we secretly assigned gay and lesbian labels to the players. Of course you joined me in my suspicions of Bruce Wayne and his “ward” (Yeah, right!). We knew why Miss Brooks never nailed handsome bachelor Mr. Boynton. Many a tomboy dreamed of being caught in the magic lasso and sharing the power over those weaker men. And chauffeur Kato surely controlled more than one joy stick. All so clear to us. Yet one great mystery has remained. Papers and panel discussions have focused on it and linguistic theories have been proposed, but nothing has been accepted. UNTIL NOW! Through an extensive séance and Ouija board session, I was privileged to be given the secret by my spirit friend, the aforementioned, “Monty.” Let’s decipher the pieces and then put them together. “Be” means “below, under.” “Osa” is “#1, best, favorite” and “Kim” is the possessive “my.” And there you have it. The frequently quoted and yet always mis-spelt KIM OSA BE may be translated as … drum roll …“My favorite bottom.” Now you know. You’re welcome.
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