Are you ready for Pride Season?Feature Story, Latest Issue, Section 4A Thursday, June 8th, 2017
The do’s and don’ts of turning a one-time encounter into a regular thing
We’ve all had that random hookup we hope comes back for more.
Maybe they look yum naked or throw down the good-good like Thor’s magic hammer. Perhaps they give great post-bang convo or cuddle like an Olympic-level big spooner.
With Pride Season underway, whatever’s got you giddy for that one-time fling, heed my advice on how to turn it into a regular thing.
Be Available But Play It Cool
If you’re lucky enough to get a ping for a repeat session, act natural – and suppress your eagerness to respond immediately. Let the text sit for 15 to 30 minutes, then hit back that you’re out with friends at the moment (people with active social lives are much more attractive than those loafing on the couch – to me at least), but suggest a time that you’ll be home (even if you already are) an hour or two later. Yeah, playing this card may mean that the object of your ass-fection will move on to the next bro in the lineup or be unavailable when you finally are, but this strategy allows you to pick up around your place and it gives you some measure of control from the onset since he’ll recognize that you’re not going to drop everything to get him back in your bed.
If you’re the one reaching out when you’re thirsty, send one text – and one text only. He got it – even if he hasn’t responded. Don’t get all Glenn Close about your non-relationship by blowing up his phone. Nothing makes people run for the hills faster than a creeper with boundary issues – no matter how big your dick or good in bed you think you are.
Keep Yourself and Your Digs Presentable
I met a guy at a bar once that I got just drunk enough to go home with. I very rarely go to their place, and his spot was a perfect example why: Mattress on the floor, overflowing ashtrays next to the bed, the pungent smell of cat waste wafting through the barely furnished shanty. Totally turned me off. I couldn’t jet quick enough.
I expect that you don’t have this problem – I assume most homos (even the younger ones) don’t live in squalor – but if you look around your home and see anything that a guest might find offensive, like dishes piled high in the sink, pet hair everywhere or a stained toilet, clean it. Visitors deserve to come into a respectable situation, and failing to present yourself in a put-together manner basically says you don’t give a f**k – about you or them.
Show Your Interest, Not Your Desperation
If you’ve managed to get the dude in your bed on multiple occasions, good on ya; you’re reaching pro status. But with that comes feelings a lot of times, and that scares some people. Don’t catch emotions. Coyly let him know you’re interested, but don’t be desperate about it. Not the sex, not the “something more.” It may evolve into that one day, and you’ll know if the sentiment is reciprocated (if you’re self-aware, at least), but for now, go with the flow, let things happen, be easy-breezy, my friend. You’ll both have more fun that way.
Remind Yourself That This Is Casual
If you find yourself developing more than lust for your now-frequent bed buddy, step back and assess the situation. Were you looking for a significant other when this started? Has he expressed a similar interest in you? Are you two on the same page, or is this just you getting ahead of yourself? Will this ruin the good thing you have? And what’s his deal? Is his life messy? Is he double-double toil and trouble?
Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Be Awesome in Bed
I’ll be the first size-queen to tell you that you don’t have to be hung like a college basketball player (only reason I watch the games; it’s March Madness in my pants, y’all) to be a boss in bed. I’ve slept with a few men lacking manhood who more than made up for it with all the right moves. A solid bangarang is about confidence, self-awareness, focusing on your strengths (maybe your make-out game is strong and he loves to kiss), and giving that boy what he wants and needs times two. Ask what he likes and follow through. Just don’t be weird, OK?
Personally I’m turned off by someone who’s overly aggressive and/or too panty – at least at first; we can work up to the kink – and neither of those first-encounter habits will warrant a follow-up sesh. Play it safe (figuratively and literally) while building the foundation for anticipation of the next time. If it’s memorable, they’ll be back for more – guaranteed.
Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He splits his time between homes in New York City and the Jersey Shore with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox.
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