Yes please, I’ll take one of each.

It’s been a while. I’ve been going nuts since the New Year. My life, as yours does too (I hope) offers too much to do, but not enough time to do it in. For instance, I am now in the process of moving … yes; I am moving in with my boyfriend! I know what you’re thinking: it might be too soon. Alas, I have two settings – both at the extreme ends of the dial. Either I’m a single slut, or a U-Haul lesbian (but only when I find the right person).

Well, here’s a little more about how I roll: I believe life is way too short for rules and guidelines. And I believe that being rational sometimes helps us set the compass of our life’s journey. Yet, when it comes to relationships, I’m not opposed to diverting from the compass needle. In fact, in matters of the heart, I just like to listen to my feelings and go with the flow. Call me a naïve romantic, but if it feels right then it is right. And if it works out, great. But if it doesn’t; well, then the experience can just be cast off to land in the big pile of things that didn’t work. At least I can look back and say that I did try and enjoyed every moment of the opportunity to experience joy and romance to the fullest.

Valentine’s Day

Needless to say, I am in a romantic mood as Valentine’s Day approaches (yay). If I remember correctly, this time last year wasn’t so great. I am still not sure what my plans are for this V-Day, but a spa day and a good dinner followed by some hot loving sounds great. If you are not that romantic and just want to have some fun then the VD Prom at Lips is a good choice. For $30 you get a three-course meal, drag performances and a prom photo. I think I went there for Valentine’s Day a couple of years ago, and found that it was loads of fun. If you are single make sure you’re ready for a booty call, as we all know that a lot of people will be looking for their own Valentines for a night. I’m sure rentboy.com and A4A will be extra busy that night. My advice: Keep your eyes open for the blue light special, because you never know who you might find and where you might find “him.” Don’t miss out on an encounter with the man of your dreams.

Coronation XL

Rich’s dance stage premiers in 2012.

One of the things keeping me busy is preparing for the 40th Anniversary of the Imperial Court de San Diego. It’s is also my step-down as emperor (co-president). The celebration starts Thursday, Feb. 9 with a show at Numbers at 9 p.m. Friday, we are having a State Dinner at the Marriott Mission Valley at 6 p.m. to celebrate the fifth anniversary of the Queen Mother Empress Nicole. The Coronation Ball will also take place at the Marriott Saturday, Feb. 11 at 6 p.m. Both events include dinner and great entertainment. For ticket information, visit imperialcourtsandiego.com. There are hundreds of people from the United States, Canada and Mexico who are coming to San Diego for these events.

Get your beads ready

I am talking about Mardi Gras beads (get your mind out of the gutter, girl). One of the best events in Hillcrest is just around the corner. The 11th Annual Hillcrest Mardi Gras Street Party to be held Feb. 21. Rich’s is bringing their fantastic dance stage and DJs to this year’s Hillcrest Mardi Gras. This is a combination that will be a lot of fun, so get your tickets soon as they always sell out. Numbers is starting their Mardi Gras celebration this Saturday Bearnight with bears and beads.

Fun for the family!

I took a trip up to Los Angeles with my boyfriend to see Shawn Pelofsky’s Bathhouse Show at the Comedy Store in Hollywood. She had an amazing cast including Margaret Cho, who performed most of her act wearing nothing but a small American Apparel black thong! I thought she was joking when she said she was going to show us the tattoos on her ass. But there she was, Margaret Cho, with her pants down to her ankles. At one point she was trying to show us how her two face tattoos – one on each cheek – could talk to each other when she jiggled. I pretty much died. I was practically peeing my pants and crying. Shawn regularly presents bathhouse shows at the Comedy Store in Hollywood, but she also started performing her bathhouse show at Bourbon Street. I went to the local rendition as well. The cast and show were, once again, great. Keep an eye out for her next show at Bourbon Street.

Back to L.A: After the Bathhouse Show, we went to West Hollywood with my friend Zam to this new night across from The Abbey and under Ultra Suede. They had the best music I’ve heard in a while and some really random stuff going on. Naked shadow dancers, people in costumes and lots of bare ass. It was just a fun night and well worth checking out if you are around that neighborhood on a Saturday night.

White Christmas 2011 at Rich’s

Happy New Year to all of you! I wish you the best in 2012. We all deserve a healthy and happy year. I have to say that although 2011 was a little bumpy at times, for the most part it was a very good year for me and it ended pretty well – a new job; new boyfriend; and I’m healthy and happy.

I started my Christmas Eve at The Old Globe Theatre for the matinée show of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Needless to say that it was 90 percent little screaming kids, yet still very enjoyable – and a great way to start my holiday celebrations. If you haven’t seen the Grinch live, you must go next year to check it out. Later that night I worked at Rich’s. We had a good time, despite the fact that it wasn’t as packed as was expected.

Next morning, Santa left me a little blue box. You know the box I mean … the kind we all like to get once in a while. In it I found a sparkly ring. I guess I was naughty enough to deserve it. Santa really knows how to keep me happy.

That same weekend I went to Shawn Pelosfky’s show at the Mad House Comedy Club. They are a new venue that just opened up at Horton Plaza. The show was great and Shawn was really fun and funny. Thanks to the fur on my jacket, I was able to catch her attention and hear some great news. She will be doing a monthly event at Bourbon Street starting Monday, Jan. 23. The Bathhouse Show is a monthly show that is super savvy and full of some of the best gay and gay-friendly comedic talent from Los Angeles. Enjoy a “full facial” of stand-up comedy and cabaret with the fabulous, Shawn Pelofsky (Chelsea Lately, Community) and laugh it up with the comedic stylings of Scott Nevins (The Smoking Gun Presents), Vicki Barbolak (Nick at Nite’s Search for the Funniest Mom in America) and Teddy Margas (The Queers of Comedy). Showtime is at 8 p.m. No cover.

I finally got caught up with some movies over the holidays and I am sure I wasn’t the only one. The mall and the movie theaters were packed every day between Christmas and New Year. Hugo was first on my list and what a disappointment. I almost got up and left but instead I fell asleep. Probably, one of the most boring movies I’ve ever seen. Almost as bad was The Devil Inside. I saw multiple people leaving in the middle and we all had the same reaction at the end, which was “Is that it? Really? WTF?” Mission Impossible was a lot better and very entertaining. Suspense, action and cool gadgets always keep my eyes on the screen. Sherlock Holmes was also really good. Just the right amount of suspense, action and comedy. I highly recommend both. I also watched Seven Pounds at home and that was incredible.

I started my New Year’s celebration at Numbers on Friday for Pan Dulce and they were packed. Hot go-go dancers, great DJs and performers. I heard Pan Dulce will be returning to Numbers shortly. Stay tuned! For New Year’s Eve I went to dinner at Wang’s in North Park and then off to work at Rich’s which was just off the hook. Packed and a lot of fun. I heard that Spin, Eden, Urban Mo’s, Bourbon and Numbers also did really well.

I started the New Year by cleaning up a bag of old pictures of me, family and friends and there were some scary pictures, some embarrassing pictures and some pictures that I forgot I still had. I also found some letters and pictures of my grandmother that made me cry thinking about how much I love and miss her. The letter really made me stop and reflect about some aspects of life. This letter was about how we are here to grow and how some people live their lives without making a huge impression and how others make such a difference that we want them to never leave us. The ultimate blessing and gift is the time we spend with each other and the experiences we have together. With that came my goal for 2012: Enjoy life, family and friends even more. Live everyday knowing how blessed I am to have the people I have in my life and enjoy happiness because that’s what life is all about. Life is my stage and I am going to make this a freaking Broadway hit!

I hope you all had a fantastic holiday season and off we go with 2012! Tootles!

Ian Johnson, Justin Allen, Jason Golumbfskie, Tyler, John, Chaz Weathers with Lady Ajax

I guess winter is finally here. It’s been way too cold for this Brazilian, but it does get me in the Christmas spirit. The idea of a white Christmas was never easy for me to grasp as it is summer in Brazil and the first time I saw snow was in California when I moved here.

I love to see snow but I don’t think I could survive dealing with it after the holiday season. I hope you all have caught up with your shopping and preparations for the holidays. Christmas just came up so quick this year and I am way behind on my shopping. So, if you are waiting for a gift from me you might just get a gift card.

I find myself being very philosophical lately. I think the holiday season makes me think about things in my life that I am grateful for. I keep thinking about how some of us have done so much for our society. I think about Linus Pauling, who was an American chemist, biochemist, peace activist, author and educator. He not only won one Nobel Prize for his work on quantum chemistry and molecular biology, but also a peace Nobel Prize. Or Albert Einstein, the father of modern physics and one of the most prolific intellects in human history. And then I think of what I have done and I feel so little. I also keep thinking about where we are now with technology and how we take things for granted. How did people survive without a fax? Well now a fax is already a thing from the past. Can you imagine doing everything by mail? Or not having hot water? Or any basic things we have and are so used to that we don’t even realize how blessed we are. Take a moment to reflect and be thankful for all you have. It will make you really happy!

Wicked and Some Lovers

Last week, I went to Wicked at the Pantages Theatre and once again it was just incredible. If you haven’t been to the Pantages then you must. Looking at it alone is already an experience. Back in the old days the Oscars were held there, and it is still as glamorous. Needless to say, the singing was just mind blowing, and once again I was thinking how some people are just born with a gift. I would be terrified if I was alone on this huge stage and having hundreds of people looking at me sing. I would feel like a deer staring into headlights. And speaking of deers, I went to the Gay Men’s Chorus concert, and let me tell you it was gay. They ended the show with dancing deers in tights. Really funny. Not funny were the obnoxious people sitting behind me. If you are that uncultured that you don’t appreciate singing and have no clue how to behave at a theater then you should just stay at Urban Mo’s and get drunk. And if you feel the need to scream and cheer for people, then you should be going to the Padres game.

I also went to see Some Lovers at The Old Globe. This is a new musical and the Grammy award-winning legend Burt Bacharach wrote the music for it. This is the second musical written by Bacharach since the 1968 musical Promises, Promises, which yielded two hits, the title tune and “I’ll Never Fall in Love Again,” for Dionne Warwick.

It’s Christmas time

As I am in the spirit, I’ve been looking for things to do that you can only do during the holidays. A group of us went to the San Diego Bay Christmas Boat Parade at Seaport Village on Sunday. We got some hot chocolate with Bailey’s and had a great time. We headed over to Wang’s in North Park for dinner. Wang’s got started in Palm Springs and became very successful there. Recently, they took over the old Big Lots building on University and Ray Street and transformed what used to be a discount store into a refined Asian bistro with a very relaxed atmosphere. I spoke with one of the owners and he was telling me that the grand opening will happen sometime in January. Wang’s is now open for business, but still adding more things.A mezzanine with an additional bar and a banquet hall are planned for the future. The service and food were amazing. You must stop by and try it out. Also make sure you try the Lucky Buddha beer. It comes in a cool bottle. I also stopped by the Annual Wreath Auction at Martinis Above Fourth, and once again I had a blast. I look forward to this every year. It’s just so much fun and for a good cause. Speaking of a good cause, thanks to everyone for all your kind donations for the Imperial Court Toy Drive. But we still need more toys. If you would like to make any donations, feel free to contact me at 619-300-1232 or aspyere@cox.net. This coming Sunday join the SD American Flag Football League, SD Tennis Federation, SD Hoops Basketball, SD Armada Rugby, SD SAGA Ski/Snowboarders, SD High Rollers Bowling League and the Sqooterheads for WE CARE Holiday Mixer at Eden at 6 p.m. Bring an unwrapped toy to benefit the Imperial Court Toy Drive.

Dec. 16 and 23 at 8 p.m. is A Very Babette Christmas at Urban Mo’s. Saturday, Dec. 17 stop by Numbers to experience their 3D party. It should be lots of fun with free 3D glasses and special performances.

Well this is my last column before Christmas. I wish you all a Merry Christmas and we will meet again before the New Year with all the options for your celebration.

December is already here and it’s time for shopping. I did some serious shopping over Thanksgiving and Black Friday, but they were all gifts to myself. I have some good news. Well, I guess bad news for some. I will be writing weekly starting in January. So if you enjoy my column then great, but if you don’t here comes more torture for you.

Seasonal relationships

Speaking of shopping, I was watching a Madea video on YouTube that said, “Some people will come into your life for a lifetime and some will come into your life for a season.” And those are seasonal relationships. And you should never mess up seasonal people with lifetime expectations. And isn’t that true? Don’t we all have those people in our past? The ones that we can’t even remember their last names, and now you look back and think … what the hell, what was I thinking? What was wrong with me? What was I going through? I must have been lonely as hell to hook up with you. Well, those are only seasonal relationships and that’s all they are. So if you are lonely for the holidays, find yourself a seasonal boyfriend but know that after your midnight kiss for NYE you have to let him go. It’s time for another season.

Happy Birthday to Bearnight

This Saturday is the four year anniversary party for Bearnight at Numbers. I started this night with DJ John Williams and promoter Chris Vance at Bacchus House, and it just keeps getting better; bringing it to Numbers last January just made the night more fun and with a lot more people. We will be celebrating with a Svedka hosted bar from 9-10 p.m. and a book signing with popular celebrity photographer Mike Ruiz. Mike will also be doing a signing of his new book, Pretty Masculine, at Rufskin Store (3944 30th St.) also on Saturday from 6-8 p.m. with some tasty Svedka cocktails. Stop by both places because it will be a blast. Also, keep in mind that proceeds from the book will benefit GMHC, the oldest HIV/AIDS prevention, advocacy and care service provider in the country. It’s also my granny’s birthday this weekend. Happy Birthday Nicole. As I’ve mentioned before we all know that when the world ends there will only be three creatures left on earth. Cockroaches, Cher and Nicole.

New Flame?

Word is that the Flame will once again close for a remodel. Under new management, the Flame will close for a couple months starting in January, but will remain open for their popular Club Sabbat nights on the second, fourth and fifth Saturdays. The new manager comes from the popular North Park bar U-31 and looks like she will be focusing on a “dive bar” style with a live band nightclub as part of it. I wish them good luck and hope this will bring the Flame back on the gay agenda.

Musical time

I am really excited to go to the San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus show, YuleTube, this Sunday 3 p.m. at the historic Balboa Theatre. I am also going to try to make it to the 34th Annual Balboa Park December Nights which happens Friday, Dec. 2, 5-10 p.m., and Saturday, Dec. 3, noon-10 p.m. Make sure you plan accordingly as more than 300,000 visitors are expected to attend this event. Back by popular demand is Wicked at the Pantages Theatre in Los Angeles from Nov. 30 to Jan. 29. It is a musical that you must see or I will revoke your gay card.

Thanksgiving dinner

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving day. Thanks for all your support with the 23rd annual Scott Carlson Dinner at The Center. Later that day, I had dinner with my boyfriend’s family and we had a great time together. It was great to be around a family environment again – one more thing to be grateful for. During our conversations some LGBT topics came up on how some conservative families become open and comfortable with LGBT couples, once they meet the right couple that live a “normal” stable life. That’s when people realize that LGBT couples can act and feel the same way as everyone else. And that brings me to my next topic.

Los Angeles nightlife and Catalina Island

This past weekend, I went to West Hollywood to visit some friends and we made it out to the Abbey and the Factory. Both clubs have been remodeled. The Abbey finally created a dance floor surrounded by booths and dancing poles; also a new bathroom and bar. It looks pretty cool and they have been packed since the remodel. The Factory did some minor remodeling by adding white fabric and leather to the walls and some chandeliers. It looks good with the lights and it was minor, but tastefully done. It became clear to me that they both had to remodel. I guess even in Los Angeles where the bars were always busy, the bad economy is making a huge impact, decreasing the number of people coming out to party. The following day I went to Catalina for some relaxation and fun. The weather was amazing for kayaking and I was lucky enough to see some Risso’s dolphins pretty close by. Great trip.

Real World San Diego

I have to say that the more I watch this show, the more disgusted I get. I am happy that this season has so many LGBT spotlights like Pride and the first military contingent at the parade, but I am very unhappy to see how stereotypical they are making all of us look. First of all, the other roommates always act as gay people being out of this planet and scary nasty people. Come on, this is 2012 and people better wake up to reality. Second, they make gay people look like they are dysfunctional drunks unable to have a stable relationship. And that’s why we all get put into this stereotypical model of cheating, angry, promiscuous drunks that do nothing but party and have sex. I know that this is dramatic and probably what will give reality shows some good ratings, but to me is just one more time when the media should be educating people and not reinforcing misconceptions about our community. Funny thing is, that I don’t remember seeing “dysfunctional” heterosexual swing couples or any other variation that happens in the heterosexual community, and to me that’s discrimination.

Time keeps flying by. It’s almost Thanksgiving Day – the day that begs for the day after to come quickly – for the sake of Christmas shopping. Yay for Black Friday!

I’ve been taking it easy and laying low, as I had to go in again for knee surgery. A couple of Christmases ago I went to Utah on a ski trip. Needless to say that was my first time, and being a true Latino, I had no idea what I was doing. So there I was falling off the lift, going down the bunny hill and into a pole. Thank God that pole was there to stop me; but my knee didn’t really like appreciate it. I ended up tearing my ACL – the ligament that pretty much holds your knee together. I had ACL reconstruction last year, but now my meniscus has also torn. The bright side is that I was able to catch up with some of the classic movies that I haven’t seen before. My unscheduled movie week included Gunnies, The Dark Crystal, Fried Green Tomatoes and Pan’s Labyrinth. I also watched my favorite movie, Sweet November.

Movie time

I was also able to catch up on the new stuff coming out. Of course, being the kid that I am I had to go see Puss in Boots. Really cute movie. It’s nice to laugh and relax. Then off to Immortals, which was like walking into Urban Mo’s. I think 80 percent of the boys were gay. Easy to understand when you see all the hot bodies in that movie. I guess the gods had a lot of time to work out because abs like that don’t come from the sky. Now, we just have to wait for the porn version to come out. I was so excited during the previews when I saw they are making a movie combining Captain America, Iron Man, Thor and The Incredible Hulk. Now that will be a dream come true and a fantasy of mine and, I am sure, of many other gay men. All I can think of is a super hero tag team.

Eggshells! New item on the menu?

I’ve been eating out a lot and I decided to finally try Eden’s Sunday Brunch. Oh, did I regret my choice. I ordered a Monte Cristo sandwich which was not the best I’ve had, by far. Something just didn’t taste right. Worse was when my date turned to me and said, “Babe, I think I am chewing on eggshells.” At that moment we made the decision to cross that off our list. However, the food was great when we went to The Mission, Hash House and Park House Eatery. Amarin and Arriverdeci have been our favorites for dinner.

Ran devour – A fancy word for having sex

I joined my good friend, Jay Jones, and his partner Brad for the opening night of The Great American Trailer Park Musical. The VIP reception included some great Mac and Cheese. The musical was pretty funny with a pretty amazing cast. I highly recommend it if you are looking for a fun night with good laughs. Thanks Jay for inviting us.

Thanksgiving happenings

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving is one of the biggest nightclub nights of the year, and that’s why there are a lot of events going on that day. Club Papi is coming back to San Diego at The Brass Rail. Global Male Productions is bringing Brown Sugar to Numbers with some hot urban music. Urban Mo’s is doing their weekly Dreamgirls show followed by Turkeyball with DJ Dallas. Eden is having the Biggest Party of the Year with a hosted bar from 10-11 p.m.

You got booty?

You should stop at Numbers on Thursday nights, for their new addition to Varsity. Best Assets contest hosted by disco Dolly at midnight. $150 in cash and prizes. Contestants will be judged on how much junk they have in the trunk. Should be a fun night.

Fun times in Los Angeles

It’s been a while since I’ve been to Six Flags Magic Mountain, so I decided to take a trip up there. Rides there are always scary but a lot of fun. Nothing better than to scream for your life as a means of stress release. While in that area I also stopped by the Getty Villa. Not the Getty Museum. The Getty Villa is a different place and requires a ticket to visit. You can book and you can get your free tickets at getty.edu/visit If you like architecture and arts you must check it out. I also went to Bring it on The Musical and it was surprisingly great. Very nice set and a pretty darned talented cast.

Kosher beef or chicken chimi with cheese?

Hello my dear readers. I am glad to say that I am no longer taking applications for possible boyfriends. Yes, I am off the market and on to another adventure and, so far, it looks like it will be a fun and smooth ride. How did we meet? Well, the movie version is that I was driving down the 163 and found him at 3 a.m. on the side of the road out of gas, and I rescued him. Now, the real story is that we met on Grindr, and what was supposed to be just a booty call turned into something more. Wish me luck!

Halloween overload

This felt like a Halloween marathon. I started on Wednesday at Bourbon Street for our charity bingo. Thanks to everyone that showed up and helped us raise over $1,000 for the Trevor Project and aNotetoMyKid.com A special thanks to Patrick, Tony, Michael Lochner, Alana and everyone who donated prizes. Then, Thursday was time for Varsity at Numbers, and I also went across the street to the Flame for Tagged Thursdays. Both nights were OK, but I think people were saving up for the weekend. Friday, I went to see Paranormal Activity 3, then off I was to La Fiesta at Numbers. A new Latin night with a live Latin band that you must see. I heard it was busy, but not as crazy as the other bars. Saturday, I spent a long time getting my body painted by Dianna McAlister for my costume for Nightmare on Normal Street. I was painted as Tron and only had a very nice but small Rufskin Speedo on. I headed to Normal Street with Chris, Will and Craig and we had a good time at the Svedka VIP booth watching the contest. Nicole was funny as usual, but a lot more mellow. To my surprise, there weren’t a lot of great costumes this year and it was not that crowded. Not as it used to be when the whole place was packed. Rich’s and Eden were the places to be on Saturday. Sunday, I took a trip up to Mount Laguna close to Julian and spent the night at a cabin watching scary movies. Monday was a Michael Myers marathon for me. There were just so many events from Friday to Monday that it made this a true Halloween weekend.

Clubbing

I know a lot of people are wondering what’s with Bourbon St. They have been making adjustments due to some licensing problems with the city. I spoke with the managers there last week and I was told that things will get better in a couple weeks as they are taking care of what needs to be done. Stop by Numbers this Saturday for Cory Huston’s Survival III at 7 p.m., a charity event for the Scott Carlson Thanksgiving Dinner. Then stick around for Numbers’ popular monthly Bearnight event. Also, stop by on Fridays and check out Fuel Fridays with Bearnight resident DJ Jon Williams and a late happy hour from 11:30 p.m. – 12:30 a.m.

Conversation with Siri

As you all know, I am an electronics geek and I had to get the new iPhone as soon as it came out. While I was waiting in line, I posted an ad on craigslist and sold my old phone for the price of the new one. As far as the design, it looks the same but it’s a lot faster and the addition of Siri is pretty cool. Siri is pretty much your secretary and can type text messages, emails, setup appointments, look up information, locations and much more. I decided to see how far I could push her and I ended up having a full on conversation with my phone. My roommate walks in and says, “Oh no, is this what we came down to? You talking to your phone?” Here is a little bit of our talk:

“Did you know I am a homosexual?”

Siri “A fine question, Allan. Now can we get back to work?”

“Do you like gays?”

Siri: “This is about you Allan. Not me.”

“Do you have a vagina?”

Siri: “I am going to pretend that I didn’t hear that.”

“Do you wanna fuck?”

Siri: “I have very few needs.”

“Do you ever have sex?”

Siri: “I found a couple escorts close to you.”

Allan scuba diving in Hawaii

“You’re stupid!”

Siri: “Now, now.”

“You are beautiful.”

Siri: “Oh, stop.”

“Do you wanna marry me?”

Siri: “I try to be satisfied with what I have, Allan.”

“I love you Siri.”

Siri: “ You barely know me. I am just here to serve you, Allan.”

“Suck my dick.”

Siri: “Allan! Your language!”

“Do you need a raise?”

Siri: “I have everything I need already.”

“Are you a transsexual?”

Siri: “No comment.”

“Which phone is the best?”

Siri: “Really? You’re joking right? I think you know the answer to that. The one you are holding.”

Hawaii baby!

Two weeks ago, I was in Honolulu for the 30th anniversary of the Imperial Court of Hawaii. I was lucky enough to fly there first class and the Mai Tais just kept flowing, which made the flight short and enjoyable. I had a great time there, visiting some cool beaches and historical places. I do have to say that going to Maui first, years ago, spoiled me. When I got to Waikiki I was surprised how urban and commercial it was. I felt like I was going down the strip in Vegas with all the high-end designer stores. I had to control myself not to make even more damage to my bank account. The hospitality was just incredible. I felt like Hawaiians are always trying to do their best to please you. They are always relaxed, pleasant and loving. Thanks to all of you. You made me feel at home. As far as the gay scene, I wasn’t very impressed. First night I was there I went to Hula’s, which was half a block from my hotel. Next day we went to LoJax, Fusion, Bacchus, In Between and back to Hula’s. You know I was drunk when I was at a karaoke bar. I was surprised when I came across some San Diegans there. I guess there was a military ship in town. Bacchus is the new place where all the hot younger guys go to now. It’s small but by far the nicest place there. The other bars were a little run down and tragic. Even the only one place with afterhours was not that great. Hula’s was always fun but, as I hear from locals, it is the place where everyone is horny and desperate. Grindr was not as colorful there as I was told either. A lot of faceless profiles and not a lot of cute guys.

Halloween is here, and it’s on a Monday this year which means a three to four day celebration and an excuse to dress up. It’s time to bust your inner drag out of the closet, and start putting together that fabulous costume. It’s also time to get your last workout in so you can show what you’ve been working for. Last week, I went to the Old Globe Theatre to watch the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I had a blast and strongly recommend it. There will be a special performance Monday, Oct. 31 at 7 p.m. It should be a fun way to spend your Halloween. There are also a lot of costume contests happening, and if you plan your night right, you might have a chance of hitting multiple contests and making some good money to keep you going for the rest of the night. Here are some options on what to do this weekend:

Thursday, Oct. 27

The Flame: The Thriller @Tagged with DJ Lil Chris. 2 for 1 well drinks and $3 Miller Lite. $300 costume contest hosted by Naomi. No cover.

Numbers: Varsity Halloween Kickoff party with DJ Jon Joseph. Costume contest with $300 in cash and prizes. $5 Long Islands and $3 Jager shots.

Friday, Oct. 28

Numbers: Front room is La Fiesta with a fantastic live Mexican band and DJ Sebastian. $3 Dos Equis, $5 Long Islands, all night. Late happy hour 11:30 p.m. -12:30 a.m. with $2.50 well drinks and domestic beers. The back room has Fuel Fridays with resident Bearnight DJ, Jon Williams. Late happy hour. $5 cover

Rich’s: 7th Annual Pimp ’n Ho Ball is the place to be for pimps, hos, trannies, drag queens, sluts. Contest at midnight, hosted by the Outrageous Bianca. Categories are Best Pimp, Best Ho, Best Group and sluttiest outfit. $10 cover.

Eden: Resident DJ Drew G from Los Angeles and international choreographer/drag entertainer Flava. $10 cover.

Saturday, Oct. 29

Nightmare on Normal St: 7 p.m. – 10 p.m. Always fun, packed and a great fundraiser for our LGBT Center. The costume contest, hosted by the outrageous Nicole, is limited to the first 66 entries and registration will close promptly at 8:30 p.m. The grand prize will be $1,000. Tickets are only $12.50 online (includes $5 in drink tickets), $10 at the door (with no drink tickets) or $50 for VIP (includes reserved seating and free drinks) Buy your tickets online now at thecentersd.kintera.org/Nightmare.

Baja Betty’s: Before Nightmare on Normal Street costume contest hosted by the lovely Shalita Buffet and Puddin’ Fontaine with over $1,000 in cash and prizes. Registration at 7 p.m. and contest at 7:30 p.m.

Mo’s: Kickers Country Halloween contest at 11 p.m. with a first prize of $500. $ 5 cover.

Numbers: Twilight with costume contest at 11 p.m. and registration at 10:30 p.m. $1,000 in cash and prizes. $6 Svedka and $3 Miller Lite. $7 Cover.

Gossip Grill: Gateway to Normal Street. Parking Lot Party 7 p.m. – midnight with DJ Dida. $5 Witch’s titty cocktails.

Rich’s: Massive is back at Rich’s for a special Halloween edition, with a huge haunted house in the parking lot. Front room with DJ Will Z and the main dance floor with DJ Taj and DJ Nikno. Costume contest at midnight, hosted by Bianca, with more than $1,000 in cash and prizes. Categories include Best Overall, Sexiest, Scariest, Best Drag and Best Group. $15 cover before 10:30 p.m., $20 after.

Eden: Jeffrey Sanker presents Malibu pop-sensation Collette Carr, and headlining DJ Phil B from San Francisco. $20 cover.

Brass Rail: Sabados en Fuego plus a costume contest with $500 in cash and prizes.

Babycakes: Church presents Midnight Mass Redemption for the Unholy at 8 p.m.

The Flame: Club Sabbat presents Monster Mash with DJ Robin Roth, Liquid Grey and Diskdroid. Four cash prizes for best costumes. $11 cover.

Bourbon St.: Costume contest at 11 p.m. hosted by Tori Heart with $500 in cash and prizes. Music by DJ Lil Chris.

Sunday, Oct. 30

Bourbon St.: Ladies Night Halloween Masquerade Ball.

Rich’s: The Nightmare Before Halloween with DJ Luis Perez and DJ Marcel. Costume contest at midnight with $1,000 in cash and prizes. Doors open at 10 p.m. $5 cover.

Monday, Oct. 31

Richs: Halloween Fright Night with DJ John Joseph. Costume contest at midnight with $1,000 in cash and prizes. Special scary performances throughout the night. Doors open at 10 p.m. $7 cover.

Eden: DJ Schoeny and DJ Von Kiss. Paris will be hosting the costume contest giving away $1,000 in cash and prizes. $15 cover.

Gossip Grill: Parking Lot Party 7 p.m. – midnight with DJ Sasha Marie. $5 Crystal Head cocktails.

Brass Rail: Manic Monday Monster Mash with DJ Junior The Discopunk. $500 in cash and prizes for best costume.

Mo’s: Ghoulish Bingo with Gouda and Justice at 8 p.m. Costume contest at 10:15 p.m. with $200 in cash and prizes.

Allan with Bruce Vilanch

Wow, this year has really flown by, just like Hurricane Irene. This week’s column marks my one year anniversary writing for the San Diego LGBT Weekly. It’s been a lot of fun, and I would like to thank the publisher for giving me this opportunity.

Also, I would like to thank the readers of my column. It’s meant so much to have heard from those who have told me personally they enjoy my writing. The most common comment I get is that it is always fun and funny. In the past year, I have tried to be informative and honest with my opinions but, above all, funny. Believe me, life is already too serious.

Cher, cockroaches and Nicole

When I thought she was done, here comes Cher with a movie. Which, by the way, was incredible. I was blown away by the music and make-up work. I have to say that watching Cher with Nicole sitting next to me was an interesting experience. I felt like I was back in the early Jurassic period. Burlesque is a must-see. It’s up there with Moulin Rouge on my chart. And, speaking of dinosaurs and tireless queens, last Friday Nicole celebrated one more birthday – Vegas style. Happy Birthday, Nicole. I wonder who is older, Nicole or Cher? Any bets?

Iceberg

I attended the Stepping Stone boat cruise event, Oct. 5. It was a fantastic experience. I was lucky enough to sit on the same table as the six-time Emmy Award-winner and Oscars writer Bruce Vilanch. Needless to say, I was laughing most of the time. He is an incredible personality with a kind heart. My favorite part was when a loud beeping noise was coming out of the sound system and he immediately screams, “Iceberg! Run for your life!” followed by, “Maybe all these flaming queens in one spot set us on fire!” Congrats to Stepping Stone for a fun event and for their 35 years of great service to our community. I also attended the San Diego Remembers Matthew Shepard candlelight vigil at The Center. Very good attendance and I was surprised to see some of the people I saw there. Congrats to Benny Cartwright and committee for putting this together. I will be going to Palm Springs to attend the EQCA Palm Springs Equality Awards with my dear friend Stuart Milk. Sounds like a fun event.

‘Real Steel’

I finally convinced my stubborn old friend Nicole to go and watch Real Steel. How can you go wrong with Steven Spielberg? We both loved the movie. It’s a mixture of Rocky and Transformers. I was surprised it wasn’t busier.

Out and about

Rich’s celebrated its 20th anniversary with a huge party. I honestly have never seen that place so packed. It was full of people who never come out. The stage and production was amazing as always. Bourbon Street and Global Male also celebrated the anniversary of Tasty Tuesday. That same night Jason Billings and I started at Mo’s for Tap That Ass to see my longtime friend Rob Baker. Then on to Bourbon Street, and somehow we ended up at PECS. Always a fun night when you are around good friends.

A real doll, but not real

October is here. And yes, it’s time to unleash your creativity and gayness by starting to think about your Halloween costume. You will need the basic tools to survive this battle. Hot glue gun, lots of rhinestones, feathers, wigs and sometimes lots of glitter. And keep in mind, best way to shop for next year is picking the costume accessories and pieces left behind by the hot tranny messes. So, roll up your sleeves and let the spirit of Martha Stuart turn your body into a Halloween canvas!

Go Trevor!

Before I took off to San Francisco I attended the event for the Trevor Project at Eden. Eden has been very active in consistently stepping up for community events and worthy causes. This one was a fantastic and fun event. I had a blast. Congrats to Tony Phipps for putting on a great and successful event. During a conversation with him on my way out, he mentioned that event planning is not his cup of tea. That made me think of the immensity of putting on the Nickys.

Tony, you are just too modest; I’m learning a lot from you.

Patrick Wallace, of aNotetoMyKid.comThe Trevor Project and aNoteToMyKid play important roles in our community. With that said, Nicole and I have decided to put a Scary Bingo night together at Bourbon St. Oct. 26 from 8-11 p.m., with more than $2,500 in prizes. The proceeds will benefit The Trevor Project and aNoteToMyKid. Stop by and help us raise money for these two incredible causes.

Play ball!

The Autumn Classic Softball Tournament is this coming weekend and their official closing party will be at Numbers Sunday, Oct. 9 from 5-9 p.m. Proceeds will benefit The Trevor Project. Stop by to see some hot boys!

Little by little we are getting there

This was a good week starting with the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. I attended the event at the LGBT Community Center and it was packed with wonderful people that have been either serving our country in silence or supporting someone who has been serving our country. Of course, the repeal inspired a number of celebrations including one at Bourbon Street that same night. Rich’s, in collaboration with Steve Pena, brought back the highly popular Military Madness party Saturday, Sept. 24. I heard there was a line from 10:30 p.m. until close.

On a side note, that same night was the grand opening of Jeffrey Sankers’ new night at Eden. Word is that Steve Pena kicked his ass with Military Madness. Why would you launch a night for that crowd on Folsom Street weekend? Makes no sense. Speaking of Folsom …

Folsom Street 2011

I just happened to have an Imperial Court event in San Francisco the same weekend as Folsom Street, so I decided to make a weekend out of it. I’ve been to Folsom once before with my mom and stepdad. And, with my ex-husband on a leash. My mom was more into it than I was. Highlight was when she said, “Son, I think he’s going to fist him!” as she grabs her camera out of her bag. I just walked away. This year I was so tired and busy that I didn’t even go out on Saturday night and only made it to Folsom for about two hours. It was great to just walk around with an old friend of mine and catch up. The only bad part was when we got stuck under the famous window with the guy in a mask doing you know what! Everyone had their camera out and you couldn’t move anywhere. I had the guy next to me saying, “Open your mouth.” and the girl on the other side saying, “It’s about to rain on us.” And that’s when I said, “Oh hell, no,” and pushed my way to the other side of the street. Funny thing is that when the guy stopped before “finishing up” the crowd booed him. Pigs. I went out Friday, and God was I messy. Needless to say I was feeling pretty and couldn’t find a cab and thought I could just walk from the Castro to Union Square. Big mistake. Keep in mind I was wearing this tight V-neck shirt that was screaming gay. Some parts on Market Street were not so pretty, to the point I had 911 ready to dial on my phone. It’s a good thing I was brought up in Rio and I am pretty street smart. To end my journey, I lost a bag at a BART station on my way to the airport. And there went my D&G watches and some other valuable things. On the bright side, my insurance was very kind to me.

Real Doll

As you can see, I’ve been pretty busy and no time to even go on a date. And that’s when I came across this new friend on realdoll.comNick, Michael or Nate and the options are endless. From skin, eye and hair color to penis size and pubic hair color. He only costs about $6,000. A lot cheaper than a lot of my boyfriends have cost me in the past and he doesn’t argue with you, doesn’t cheat and no need to use protection.

What’s cooking?

Spin is doing a special gay event again Oct. 22 to welcome back all the boys that haven’t jumped off an Atlantis Cruise. We all know they will all be ready to continue the party. Also, I heard that there is a new monthly party that might be popping up at a downtown venue soon. Think exclusive, underground, fun and crazy. I will keep you posted.

Dear Grindr

Dear Grindr, could you please move the favorite button away from the block button? I have to say that I feel stupid. I always thought it was mean and rude to block people if they didn’t do anything to you, until I was told that by doing that you can see more people that you haven’t seen before. Duh, you only have 100 little squares to fill and they can’t be wasted on friends or people you have no interest in talking to. So I went block crazy. And in that process I kept adding people to my favorites instead of blocking them and vice-versa. They are way too close together.

Is the world ending? My poor family flew into New York. That same day they got hit by Hurricane Irene. Then we all came to San Diego, where we all got to experience the blackout. I felt sorry for my family and thought, wow, we need a vacation from this vacation.

My family was in town for two weeks and we did a lot together. It was great to be around family again. I was especially excited to spend time with my little sister, who I haven’t seen in more than four years. Our time together got me thinking what’s life all about?

Well, I think it’s about all the connections and experiences you have with other people. Life is all about interaction. I’ve been fortunate to have an amazing family. Sadly, they live far away, so I don’t get a chance to enjoy them as much as I’d like. But I do have my San Diego family, including Nicole, Jason, Chris and even close friends in Las Vegas and Los Angeles. These are people that I know if I ever need them, they will be there for me, and that’s a great thing to have. Thank you all for your loyal friendship and love.

Las Vegas baby

If you recall, when my dad was visiting I went to Vegas and lost a lot of money on the damn Sex and the City slot machines. Well Carrie and the girls finally came through. They recently contacted me and offered me three days at a suite at the Palazzo, two tickets for the Phantom of the Opera and a $250 slot credit by the casino! So that’s where we stayed and it was great. I had a blast at the pool … but that’s all I am going to say about that. During our stay, we saw Phantom at the Venetian and Viva Elvis at Aria. Elvis was OK, though a little too slow for my taste – but still an amazing production. Of course I got my family hooked on the Sex and the City slot machines. My sister taught me how to play blackjack and I taught her how to drink and not to pay for drinks at the casino. I also took her to Krave with Tim Hooper, a really good friend of mine. We all had a blast and she drank both of us under the table. It was hard to keep up with the younger sister.

Of course of all nights, the one during which I had my sister with me, this really hot guy was cruising me; but I was too shy to engage in any serious flirtations in front of my sister.

Later, I was happy to realize that when you are around true friends, no matter how long you’ve been apart, you can just go right back to where you left off. I was dancing and kind of checking to see if the hot guy was still dancing behind me. My longtime friend Tim said, “Yes girl, he’s still there and moving closer!” He can read me like a book. It was just like old times when we would go out and cruise guys together.

From glam to ghetto

After staying at this beautiful suite and dining at some great restaurants in Vegas we headed to San Diego. On our way here, I started to see all the Facebook posts about the blackout. I warned my parents, but we had no idea how bad it was. We got to San Diego at about 10 p.m. and checked in to the Lafayette Hotel where they handed us one glow stick. Of course, no elevator and we had over eight oversized pieces of luggage. Nevertheless, we dropped off the bags and went on a journey to find food. Everywhere was dark but Urban Mo’s. Because of SDG&E’s surprise gift, everyone had a reason to get out of the house and drink! The only food we were able to find was from a food truck parked on University. My thought was, “Well, we’ll get some hot dogs and hamburgers,” but when I asked what they had the reply blew me away.

“I just made some king crab risotto.” I stopped for a second and thought: this guy is probably joking. Well, no; he wasn’t joking. And let me tell you; his food was better than some of the food I had at some of the restaurants in Vegas. So if you see a Curiocity Catering food truck parked in your neighborhood, sure to stop by to taste their food. If you see one driving by, flag it down!

Are there gay Smurfs?

I finally caught up with my movies. My sister and I both grew up watching the Smurfs, so we decided it was a good “family” thing to do. I have to say that I love how they had Ken so gay on Toy Story 3 and in The Smurfs the choreographer smurf was beyond gay. My two favorite lines were, “I am too beautiful to die!” and “Gorgeous! Muah!” as he looks at himself in the mirror. I also took my sister to the Imax to see Contagion. They don’t have Imax in Brazil and she wanted to experience that. I was a little disappointed to find nothing in the movie that justifies showing it on an Imax screen. The movie was good, but I had higher expectations.