Yes please, I’ll take one of each.

It’s been a while. I’ve been going nuts since the New Year. My life, as yours does too (I hope) offers too much to do, but not enough time to do it in. For instance, I am now in the process of moving … yes; I am moving in with my boyfriend! I know what you’re thinking: it might be too soon. Alas, I have two settings – both at the extreme ends of the dial. Either I’m a single slut, or a U-Haul lesbian (but only when I find the right person).

Well, here’s a little more about how I roll: I believe life is way too short for rules and guidelines. And I believe that being rational sometimes helps us set the compass of our life’s journey. Yet, when it comes to relationships, I’m not opposed to diverting from the compass needle. In fact, in matters of the heart, I just like to listen to my feelings and go with the flow. Call me a naïve romantic, but if it feels right then it is right. And if it works out, great. But if it doesn’t; well, then the experience can just be cast off to land in the big pile of things that didn’t work. At least I can look back and say that I did try and enjoyed every moment of the opportunity to experience joy and romance to the fullest.

Valentine’s Day

Needless to say, I am in a romantic mood as Valentine’s Day approaches (yay). If I remember correctly, this time last year wasn’t so great. I am still not sure what my plans are for this V-Day, but a spa day and a good dinner followed by some hot loving sounds great. If you are not that romantic and just want to have some fun then the VD Prom at Lips is a good choice. For $30 you get a three-course meal, drag performances and a prom photo. I think I went there for Valentine’s Day a couple of years ago, and found that it was loads of fun. If you are single make sure you’re ready for a booty call, as we all know that a lot of people will be looking for their own Valentines for a night. I’m sure rentboy.com and A4A will be extra busy that night. My advice: Keep your eyes open for the blue light special, because you never know who you might find and where you might find “him.” Don’t miss out on an encounter with the man of your dreams.

Coronation XL

Rich’s dance stage premiers in 2012.

One of the things keeping me busy is preparing for the 40th Anniversary of the Imperial Court de San Diego. It’s is also my step-down as emperor (co-president). The celebration starts Thursday, Feb. 9 with a show at Numbers at 9 p.m. Friday, we are having a State Dinner at the Marriott Mission Valley at 6 p.m. to celebrate the fifth anniversary of the Queen Mother Empress Nicole. The Coronation Ball will also take place at the Marriott Saturday, Feb. 11 at 6 p.m. Both events include dinner and great entertainment. For ticket information, visit imperialcourtsandiego.com. There are hundreds of people from the United States, Canada and Mexico who are coming to San Diego for these events.

Get your beads ready

I am talking about Mardi Gras beads (get your mind out of the gutter, girl). One of the best events in Hillcrest is just around the corner. The 11th Annual Hillcrest Mardi Gras Street Party to be held Feb. 21. Rich’s is bringing their fantastic dance stage and DJs to this year’s Hillcrest Mardi Gras. This is a combination that will be a lot of fun, so get your tickets soon as they always sell out. Numbers is starting their Mardi Gras celebration this Saturday Bearnight with bears and beads.

Fun for the family!

I took a trip up to Los Angeles with my boyfriend to see Shawn Pelofsky’s Bathhouse Show at the Comedy Store in Hollywood. She had an amazing cast including Margaret Cho, who performed most of her act wearing nothing but a small American Apparel black thong! I thought she was joking when she said she was going to show us the tattoos on her ass. But there she was, Margaret Cho, with her pants down to her ankles. At one point she was trying to show us how her two face tattoos – one on each cheek – could talk to each other when she jiggled. I pretty much died. I was practically peeing my pants and crying. Shawn regularly presents bathhouse shows at the Comedy Store in Hollywood, but she also started performing her bathhouse show at Bourbon Street. I went to the local rendition as well. The cast and show were, once again, great. Keep an eye out for her next show at Bourbon Street.

Back to L.A: After the Bathhouse Show, we went to West Hollywood with my friend Zam to this new night across from The Abbey and under Ultra Suede. They had the best music I’ve heard in a while and some really random stuff going on. Naked shadow dancers, people in costumes and lots of bare ass. It was just a fun night and well worth checking out if you are around that neighborhood on a Saturday night.

White Christmas 2011 at Rich’s

Happy New Year to all of you! I wish you the best in 2012. We all deserve a healthy and happy year. I have to say that although 2011 was a little bumpy at times, for the most part it was a very good year for me and it ended pretty well – a new job; new boyfriend; and I’m healthy and happy.

I started my Christmas Eve at The Old Globe Theatre for the matinée show of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Needless to say that it was 90 percent little screaming kids, yet still very enjoyable – and a great way to start my holiday celebrations. If you haven’t seen the Grinch live, you must go next year to check it out. Later that night I worked at Rich’s. We had a good time, despite the fact that it wasn’t as packed as was expected.

Next morning, Santa left me a little blue box. You know the box I mean … the kind we all like to get once in a while. In it I found a sparkly ring. I guess I was naughty enough to deserve it. Santa really knows how to keep me happy.

That same weekend I went to Shawn Pelosfky’s show at the Mad House Comedy Club. They are a new venue that just opened up at Horton Plaza. The show was great and Shawn was really fun and funny. Thanks to the fur on my jacket, I was able to catch her attention and hear some great news. She will be doing a monthly event at Bourbon Street starting Monday, Jan. 23. The Bathhouse Show is a monthly show that is super savvy and full of some of the best gay and gay-friendly comedic talent from Los Angeles. Enjoy a “full facial” of stand-up comedy and cabaret with the fabulous, Shawn Pelofsky (Chelsea Lately, Community) and laugh it up with the comedic stylings of Scott Nevins (The Smoking Gun Presents), Vicki Barbolak (Nick at Nite’s Search for the Funniest Mom in America) and Teddy Margas (The Queers of Comedy). Showtime is at 8 p.m. No cover.

I finally got caught up with some movies over the holidays and I am sure I wasn’t the only one. The mall and the movie theaters were packed every day between Christmas and New Year. Hugo was first on my list and what a disappointment. I almost got up and left but instead I fell asleep. Probably, one of the most boring movies I’ve ever seen. Almost as bad was The Devil Inside. I saw multiple people leaving in the middle and we all had the same reaction at the end, which was “Is that it? Really? WTF?” Mission Impossible was a lot better and very entertaining. Suspense, action and cool gadgets always keep my eyes on the screen. Sherlock Holmes was also really good. Just the right amount of suspense, action and comedy. I highly recommend both. I also watched Seven Pounds at home and that was incredible.

I started my New Year’s celebration at Numbers on Friday for Pan Dulce and they were packed. Hot go-go dancers, great DJs and performers. I heard Pan Dulce will be returning to Numbers shortly. Stay tuned! For New Year’s Eve I went to dinner at Wang’s in North Park and then off to work at Rich’s which was just off the hook. Packed and a lot of fun. I heard that Spin, Eden, Urban Mo’s, Bourbon and Numbers also did really well.

I started the New Year by cleaning up a bag of old pictures of me, family and friends and there were some scary pictures, some embarrassing pictures and some pictures that I forgot I still had. I also found some letters and pictures of my grandmother that made me cry thinking about how much I love and miss her. The letter really made me stop and reflect about some aspects of life. This letter was about how we are here to grow and how some people live their lives without making a huge impression and how others make such a difference that we want them to never leave us. The ultimate blessing and gift is the time we spend with each other and the experiences we have together. With that came my goal for 2012: Enjoy life, family and friends even more. Live everyday knowing how blessed I am to have the people I have in my life and enjoy happiness because that’s what life is all about. Life is my stage and I am going to make this a freaking Broadway hit!

I hope you all had a fantastic holiday season and off we go with 2012! Tootles!

Ian Johnson, Justin Allen, Jason Golumbfskie, Tyler, John, Chaz Weathers with Lady Ajax

I guess winter is finally here. It’s been way too cold for this Brazilian, but it does get me in the Christmas spirit. The idea of a white Christmas was never easy for me to grasp as it is summer in Brazil and the first time I saw snow was in California when I moved here.

I love to see snow but I don’t think I could survive dealing with it after the holiday season. I hope you all have caught up with your shopping and preparations for the holidays. Christmas just came up so quick this year and I am way behind on my shopping. So, if you are waiting for a gift from me you might just get a gift card.

I find myself being very philosophical lately. I think the holiday season makes me think about things in my life that I am grateful for. I keep thinking about how some of us have done so much for our society. I think about Linus Pauling, who was an American chemist, biochemist, peace activist, author and educator. He not only won one Nobel Prize for his work on quantum chemistry and molecular biology, but also a peace Nobel Prize. Or Albert Einstein, the father of modern physics and one of the most prolific intellects in human history. And then I think of what I have done and I feel so little. I also keep thinking about where we are now with technology and how we take things for granted. How did people survive without a fax? Well now a fax is already a thing from the past. Can you imagine doing everything by mail? Or not having hot water? Or any basic things we have and are so used to that we don’t even realize how blessed we are. Take a moment to reflect and be thankful for all you have. It will make you really happy!

Wicked and Some Lovers

Last week, I went to Wicked at the Pantages Theatre and once again it was just incredible. If you haven’t been to the Pantages then you must. Looking at it alone is already an experience. Back in the old days the Oscars were held there, and it is still as glamorous. Needless to say, the singing was just mind blowing, and once again I was thinking how some people are just born with a gift. I would be terrified if I was alone on this huge stage and having hundreds of people looking at me sing. I would feel like a deer staring into headlights. And speaking of deers, I went to the Gay Men’s Chorus concert, and let me tell you it was gay. They ended the show with dancing deers in tights. Really funny. Not funny were the obnoxious people sitting behind me. If you are that uncultured that you don’t appreciate singing and have no clue how to behave at a theater then you should just stay at Urban Mo’s and get drunk. And if you feel the need to scream and cheer for people, then you should be going to the Padres game.

I also went to see Some Lovers at The Old Globe. This is a new musical and the Grammy award-winning legend Burt Bacharach wrote the music for it. This is the second musical written by Bacharach since the 1968 musical Promises, Promises, which yielded two hits, the title tune and “I’ll Never Fall in Love Again,” for Dionne Warwick.

It’s Christmas time

As I am in the spirit, I’ve been looking for things to do that you can only do during the holidays. A group of us went to the San Diego Bay Christmas Boat Parade at Seaport Village on Sunday. We got some hot chocolate with Bailey’s and had a great time. We headed over to Wang’s in North Park for dinner. Wang’s got started in Palm Springs and became very successful there. Recently, they took over the old Big Lots building on University and Ray Street and transformed what used to be a discount store into a refined Asian bistro with a very relaxed atmosphere. I spoke with one of the owners and he was telling me that the grand opening will happen sometime in January. Wang’s is now open for business, but still adding more things.A mezzanine with an additional bar and a banquet hall are planned for the future. The service and food were amazing. You must stop by and try it out. Also make sure you try the Lucky Buddha beer. It comes in a cool bottle. I also stopped by the Annual Wreath Auction at Martinis Above Fourth, and once again I had a blast. I look forward to this every year. It’s just so much fun and for a good cause. Speaking of a good cause, thanks to everyone for all your kind donations for the Imperial Court Toy Drive. But we still need more toys. If you would like to make any donations, feel free to contact me at 619-300-1232 or aspyere@cox.net. This coming Sunday join the SD American Flag Football League, SD Tennis Federation, SD Hoops Basketball, SD Armada Rugby, SD SAGA Ski/Snowboarders, SD High Rollers Bowling League and the Sqooterheads for WE CARE Holiday Mixer at Eden at 6 p.m. Bring an unwrapped toy to benefit the Imperial Court Toy Drive.

Dec. 16 and 23 at 8 p.m. is A Very Babette Christmas at Urban Mo’s. Saturday, Dec. 17 stop by Numbers to experience their 3D party. It should be lots of fun with free 3D glasses and special performances.

Well this is my last column before Christmas. I wish you all a Merry Christmas and we will meet again before the New Year with all the options for your celebration.

December is already here and it’s time for shopping. I did some serious shopping over Thanksgiving and Black Friday, but they were all gifts to myself. I have some good news. Well, I guess bad news for some. I will be writing weekly starting in January. So if you enjoy my column then great, but if you don’t here comes more torture for you.

Seasonal relationships

Speaking of shopping, I was watching a Madea video on YouTube that said, “Some people will come into your life for a lifetime and some will come into your life for a season.” And those are seasonal relationships. And you should never mess up seasonal people with lifetime expectations. And isn’t that true? Don’t we all have those people in our past? The ones that we can’t even remember their last names, and now you look back and think … what the hell, what was I thinking? What was wrong with me? What was I going through? I must have been lonely as hell to hook up with you. Well, those are only seasonal relationships and that’s all they are. So if you are lonely for the holidays, find yourself a seasonal boyfriend but know that after your midnight kiss for NYE you have to let him go. It’s time for another season.

Happy Birthday to Bearnight

This Saturday is the four year anniversary party for Bearnight at Numbers. I started this night with DJ John Williams and promoter Chris Vance at Bacchus House, and it just keeps getting better; bringing it to Numbers last January just made the night more fun and with a lot more people. We will be celebrating with a Svedka hosted bar from 9-10 p.m. and a book signing with popular celebrity photographer Mike Ruiz. Mike will also be doing a signing of his new book, Pretty Masculine, at Rufskin Store (3944 30th St.) also on Saturday from 6-8 p.m. with some tasty Svedka cocktails. Stop by both places because it will be a blast. Also, keep in mind that proceeds from the book will benefit GMHC, the oldest HIV/AIDS prevention, advocacy and care service provider in the country. It’s also my granny’s birthday this weekend. Happy Birthday Nicole. As I’ve mentioned before we all know that when the world ends there will only be three creatures left on earth. Cockroaches, Cher and Nicole.

New Flame?

Word is that the Flame will once again close for a remodel. Under new management, the Flame will close for a couple months starting in January, but will remain open for their popular Club Sabbat nights on the second, fourth and fifth Saturdays. The new manager comes from the popular North Park bar U-31 and looks like she will be focusing on a “dive bar” style with a live band nightclub as part of it. I wish them good luck and hope this will bring the Flame back on the gay agenda.

Musical time

I am really excited to go to the San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus show, YuleTube, this Sunday 3 p.m. at the historic Balboa Theatre. I am also going to try to make it to the 34th Annual Balboa Park December Nights which happens Friday, Dec. 2, 5-10 p.m., and Saturday, Dec. 3, noon-10 p.m. Make sure you plan accordingly as more than 300,000 visitors are expected to attend this event. Back by popular demand is Wicked at the Pantages Theatre in Los Angeles from Nov. 30 to Jan. 29. It is a musical that you must see or I will revoke your gay card.

Thanksgiving dinner

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving day. Thanks for all your support with the 23rd annual Scott Carlson Dinner at The Center. Later that day, I had dinner with my boyfriend’s family and we had a great time together. It was great to be around a family environment again – one more thing to be grateful for. During our conversations some LGBT topics came up on how some conservative families become open and comfortable with LGBT couples, once they meet the right couple that live a “normal” stable life. That’s when people realize that LGBT couples can act and feel the same way as everyone else. And that brings me to my next topic.

Los Angeles nightlife and Catalina Island

This past weekend, I went to West Hollywood to visit some friends and we made it out to the Abbey and the Factory. Both clubs have been remodeled. The Abbey finally created a dance floor surrounded by booths and dancing poles; also a new bathroom and bar. It looks pretty cool and they have been packed since the remodel. The Factory did some minor remodeling by adding white fabric and leather to the walls and some chandeliers. It looks good with the lights and it was minor, but tastefully done. It became clear to me that they both had to remodel. I guess even in Los Angeles where the bars were always busy, the bad economy is making a huge impact, decreasing the number of people coming out to party. The following day I went to Catalina for some relaxation and fun. The weather was amazing for kayaking and I was lucky enough to see some Risso’s dolphins pretty close by. Great trip.

Real World San Diego

I have to say that the more I watch this show, the more disgusted I get. I am happy that this season has so many LGBT spotlights like Pride and the first military contingent at the parade, but I am very unhappy to see how stereotypical they are making all of us look. First of all, the other roommates always act as gay people being out of this planet and scary nasty people. Come on, this is 2012 and people better wake up to reality. Second, they make gay people look like they are dysfunctional drunks unable to have a stable relationship. And that’s why we all get put into this stereotypical model of cheating, angry, promiscuous drunks that do nothing but party and have sex. I know that this is dramatic and probably what will give reality shows some good ratings, but to me is just one more time when the media should be educating people and not reinforcing misconceptions about our community. Funny thing is, that I don’t remember seeing “dysfunctional” heterosexual swing couples or any other variation that happens in the heterosexual community, and to me that’s discrimination.

Time keeps flying by. It’s almost Thanksgiving Day – the day that begs for the day after to come quickly – for the sake of Christmas shopping. Yay for Black Friday!

I’ve been taking it easy and laying low, as I had to go in again for knee surgery. A couple of Christmases ago I went to Utah on a ski trip. Needless to say that was my first time, and being a true Latino, I had no idea what I was doing. So there I was falling off the lift, going down the bunny hill and into a pole. Thank God that pole was there to stop me; but my knee didn’t really like appreciate it. I ended up tearing my ACL – the ligament that pretty much holds your knee together. I had ACL reconstruction last year, but now my meniscus has also torn. The bright side is that I was able to catch up with some of the classic movies that I haven’t seen before. My unscheduled movie week included Gunnies, The Dark Crystal, Fried Green Tomatoes and Pan’s Labyrinth. I also watched my favorite movie, Sweet November.

Movie time

I was also able to catch up on the new stuff coming out. Of course, being the kid that I am I had to go see Puss in Boots. Really cute movie. It’s nice to laugh and relax. Then off to Immortals, which was like walking into Urban Mo’s. I think 80 percent of the boys were gay. Easy to understand when you see all the hot bodies in that movie. I guess the gods had a lot of time to work out because abs like that don’t come from the sky. Now, we just have to wait for the porn version to come out. I was so excited during the previews when I saw they are making a movie combining Captain America, Iron Man, Thor and The Incredible Hulk. Now that will be a dream come true and a fantasy of mine and, I am sure, of many other gay men. All I can think of is a super hero tag team.

Eggshells! New item on the menu?

I’ve been eating out a lot and I decided to finally try Eden’s Sunday Brunch. Oh, did I regret my choice. I ordered a Monte Cristo sandwich which was not the best I’ve had, by far. Something just didn’t taste right. Worse was when my date turned to me and said, “Babe, I think I am chewing on eggshells.” At that moment we made the decision to cross that off our list. However, the food was great when we went to The Mission, Hash House and Park House Eatery. Amarin and Arriverdeci have been our favorites for dinner.

Ran devour – A fancy word for having sex

I joined my good friend, Jay Jones, and his partner Brad for the opening night of The Great American Trailer Park Musical. The VIP reception included some great Mac and Cheese. The musical was pretty funny with a pretty amazing cast. I highly recommend it if you are looking for a fun night with good laughs. Thanks Jay for inviting us.

Thanksgiving happenings

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving is one of the biggest nightclub nights of the year, and that’s why there are a lot of events going on that day. Club Papi is coming back to San Diego at The Brass Rail. Global Male Productions is bringing Brown Sugar to Numbers with some hot urban music. Urban Mo’s is doing their weekly Dreamgirls show followed by Turkeyball with DJ Dallas. Eden is having the Biggest Party of the Year with a hosted bar from 10-11 p.m.

You got booty?

You should stop at Numbers on Thursday nights, for their new addition to Varsity. Best Assets contest hosted by disco Dolly at midnight. $150 in cash and prizes. Contestants will be judged on how much junk they have in the trunk. Should be a fun night.

Fun times in Los Angeles

It’s been a while since I’ve been to Six Flags Magic Mountain, so I decided to take a trip up there. Rides there are always scary but a lot of fun. Nothing better than to scream for your life as a means of stress release. While in that area I also stopped by the Getty Villa. Not the Getty Museum. The Getty Villa is a different place and requires a ticket to visit. You can book and you can get your free tickets at getty.edu/visit If you like architecture and arts you must check it out. I also went to Bring it on The Musical and it was surprisingly great. Very nice set and a pretty darned talented cast.

Kosher beef or chicken chimi with cheese?

Hello my dear readers. I am glad to say that I am no longer taking applications for possible boyfriends. Yes, I am off the market and on to another adventure and, so far, it looks like it will be a fun and smooth ride. How did we meet? Well, the movie version is that I was driving down the 163 and found him at 3 a.m. on the side of the road out of gas, and I rescued him. Now, the real story is that we met on Grindr, and what was supposed to be just a booty call turned into something more. Wish me luck!

Halloween overload

This felt like a Halloween marathon. I started on Wednesday at Bourbon Street for our charity bingo. Thanks to everyone that showed up and helped us raise over $1,000 for the Trevor Project and aNotetoMyKid.com A special thanks to Patrick, Tony, Michael Lochner, Alana and everyone who donated prizes. Then, Thursday was time for Varsity at Numbers, and I also went across the street to the Flame for Tagged Thursdays. Both nights were OK, but I think people were saving up for the weekend. Friday, I went to see Paranormal Activity 3, then off I was to La Fiesta at Numbers. A new Latin night with a live Latin band that you must see. I heard it was busy, but not as crazy as the other bars. Saturday, I spent a long time getting my body painted by Dianna McAlister for my costume for Nightmare on Normal Street. I was painted as Tron and only had a very nice but small Rufskin Speedo on. I headed to Normal Street with Chris, Will and Craig and we had a good time at the Svedka VIP booth watching the contest. Nicole was funny as usual, but a lot more mellow. To my surprise, there weren’t a lot of great costumes this year and it was not that crowded. Not as it used to be when the whole place was packed. Rich’s and Eden were the places to be on Saturday. Sunday, I took a trip up to Mount Laguna close to Julian and spent the night at a cabin watching scary movies. Monday was a Michael Myers marathon for me. There were just so many events from Friday to Monday that it made this a true Halloween weekend.

Clubbing

I know a lot of people are wondering what’s with Bourbon St. They have been making adjustments due to some licensing problems with the city. I spoke with the managers there last week and I was told that things will get better in a couple weeks as they are taking care of what needs to be done. Stop by Numbers this Saturday for Cory Huston’s Survival III at 7 p.m., a charity event for the Scott Carlson Thanksgiving Dinner. Then stick around for Numbers’ popular monthly Bearnight event. Also, stop by on Fridays and check out Fuel Fridays with Bearnight resident DJ Jon Williams and a late happy hour from 11:30 p.m. – 12:30 a.m.

Conversation with Siri

As you all know, I am an electronics geek and I had to get the new iPhone as soon as it came out. While I was waiting in line, I posted an ad on craigslist and sold my old phone for the price of the new one. As far as the design, it looks the same but it’s a lot faster and the addition of Siri is pretty cool. Siri is pretty much your secretary and can type text messages, emails, setup appointments, look up information, locations and much more. I decided to see how far I could push her and I ended up having a full on conversation with my phone. My roommate walks in and says, “Oh no, is this what we came down to? You talking to your phone?” Here is a little bit of our talk:

“Did you know I am a homosexual?”

Siri “A fine question, Allan. Now can we get back to work?”

“Do you like gays?”

Siri: “This is about you Allan. Not me.”

“Do you have a vagina?”

Siri: “I am going to pretend that I didn’t hear that.”

“Do you wanna fuck?”

Siri: “I have very few needs.”

“Do you ever have sex?”

Siri: “I found a couple escorts close to you.”

Allan scuba diving in Hawaii

“You’re stupid!”

Siri: “Now, now.”

“You are beautiful.”

Siri: “Oh, stop.”

“Do you wanna marry me?”

Siri: “I try to be satisfied with what I have, Allan.”

“I love you Siri.”

Siri: “ You barely know me. I am just here to serve you, Allan.”

“Suck my dick.”

Siri: “Allan! Your language!”

“Do you need a raise?”

Siri: “I have everything I need already.”

“Are you a transsexual?”

Siri: “No comment.”

“Which phone is the best?”

Siri: “Really? You’re joking right? I think you know the answer to that. The one you are holding.”

Hawaii baby!

Two weeks ago, I was in Honolulu for the 30th anniversary of the Imperial Court of Hawaii. I was lucky enough to fly there first class and the Mai Tais just kept flowing, which made the flight short and enjoyable. I had a great time there, visiting some cool beaches and historical places. I do have to say that going to Maui first, years ago, spoiled me. When I got to Waikiki I was surprised how urban and commercial it was. I felt like I was going down the strip in Vegas with all the high-end designer stores. I had to control myself not to make even more damage to my bank account. The hospitality was just incredible. I felt like Hawaiians are always trying to do their best to please you. They are always relaxed, pleasant and loving. Thanks to all of you. You made me feel at home. As far as the gay scene, I wasn’t very impressed. First night I was there I went to Hula’s, which was half a block from my hotel. Next day we went to LoJax, Fusion, Bacchus, In Between and back to Hula’s. You know I was drunk when I was at a karaoke bar. I was surprised when I came across some San Diegans there. I guess there was a military ship in town. Bacchus is the new place where all the hot younger guys go to now. It’s small but by far the nicest place there. The other bars were a little run down and tragic. Even the only one place with afterhours was not that great. Hula’s was always fun but, as I hear from locals, it is the place where everyone is horny and desperate. Grindr was not as colorful there as I was told either. A lot of faceless profiles and not a lot of cute guys.

Halloween is here, and it’s on a Monday this year which means a three to four day celebration and an excuse to dress up. It’s time to bust your inner drag out of the closet, and start putting together that fabulous costume. It’s also time to get your last workout in so you can show what you’ve been working for. Last week, I went to the Old Globe Theatre to watch the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I had a blast and strongly recommend it. There will be a special performance Monday, Oct. 31 at 7 p.m. It should be a fun way to spend your Halloween. There are also a lot of costume contests happening, and if you plan your night right, you might have a chance of hitting multiple contests and making some good money to keep you going for the rest of the night. Here are some options on what to do this weekend:

Thursday, Oct. 27

The Flame: The Thriller @Tagged with DJ Lil Chris. 2 for 1 well drinks and $3 Miller Lite. $300 costume contest hosted by Naomi. No cover.

Numbers: Varsity Halloween Kickoff party with DJ Jon Joseph. Costume contest with $300 in cash and prizes. $5 Long Islands and $3 Jager shots.

Friday, Oct. 28

Numbers: Front room is La Fiesta with a fantastic live Mexican band and DJ Sebastian. $3 Dos Equis, $5 Long Islands, all night. Late happy hour 11:30 p.m. -12:30 a.m. with $2.50 well drinks and domestic beers. The back room has Fuel Fridays with resident Bearnight DJ, Jon Williams. Late happy hour. $5 cover

Rich’s: 7th Annual Pimp ’n Ho Ball is the place to be for pimps, hos, trannies, drag queens, sluts. Contest at midnight, hosted by the Outrageous Bianca. Categories are Best Pimp, Best Ho, Best Group and sluttiest outfit. $10 cover.

Eden: Resident DJ Drew G from Los Angeles and international choreographer/drag entertainer Flava. $10 cover.

Saturday, Oct. 29

Nightmare on Normal St: 7 p.m. – 10 p.m. Always fun, packed and a great fundraiser for our LGBT Center. The costume contest, hosted by the outrageous Nicole, is limited to the first 66 entries and registration will close promptly at 8:30 p.m. The grand prize will be $1,000. Tickets are only $12.50 online (includes $5 in drink tickets), $10 at the door (with no drink tickets) or $50 for VIP (includes reserved seating and free drinks) Buy your tickets online now at thecentersd.kintera.org/Nightmare.

Baja Betty’s: Before Nightmare on Normal Street costume contest hosted by the lovely Shalita Buffet and Puddin’ Fontaine with over $1,000 in cash and prizes. Registration at 7 p.m. and contest at 7:30 p.m.

Mo’s: Kickers Country Halloween contest at 11 p.m. with a first prize of $500. $ 5 cover.

Numbers: Twilight with costume contest at 11 p.m. and registration at 10:30 p.m. $1,000 in cash and prizes. $6 Svedka and $3 Miller Lite. $7 Cover.

Gossip Grill: Gateway to Normal Street. Parking Lot Party 7 p.m. – midnight with DJ Dida. $5 Witch’s titty cocktails.

Rich’s: Massive is back at Rich’s for a special Halloween edition, with a huge haunted house in the parking lot. Front room with DJ Will Z and the main dance floor with DJ Taj and DJ Nikno. Costume contest at midnight, hosted by Bianca, with more than $1,000 in cash and prizes. Categories include Best Overall, Sexiest, Scariest, Best Drag and Best Group. $15 cover before 10:30 p.m., $20 after.

Eden: Jeffrey Sanker presents Malibu pop-sensation Collette Carr, and headlining DJ Phil B from San Francisco. $20 cover.

Brass Rail: Sabados en Fuego plus a costume contest with $500 in cash and prizes.

Babycakes: Church presents Midnight Mass Redemption for the Unholy at 8 p.m.

The Flame: Club Sabbat presents Monster Mash with DJ Robin Roth, Liquid Grey and Diskdroid. Four cash prizes for best costumes. $11 cover.

Bourbon St.: Costume contest at 11 p.m. hosted by Tori Heart with $500 in cash and prizes. Music by DJ Lil Chris.

Sunday, Oct. 30

Bourbon St.: Ladies Night Halloween Masquerade Ball.

Rich’s: The Nightmare Before Halloween with DJ Luis Perez and DJ Marcel. Costume contest at midnight with $1,000 in cash and prizes. Doors open at 10 p.m. $5 cover.

Monday, Oct. 31

Richs: Halloween Fright Night with DJ John Joseph. Costume contest at midnight with $1,000 in cash and prizes. Special scary performances throughout the night. Doors open at 10 p.m. $7 cover.

Eden: DJ Schoeny and DJ Von Kiss. Paris will be hosting the costume contest giving away $1,000 in cash and prizes. $15 cover.

Gossip Grill: Parking Lot Party 7 p.m. – midnight with DJ Sasha Marie. $5 Crystal Head cocktails.

Brass Rail: Manic Monday Monster Mash with DJ Junior The Discopunk. $500 in cash and prizes for best costume.

Mo’s: Ghoulish Bingo with Gouda and Justice at 8 p.m. Costume contest at 10:15 p.m. with $200 in cash and prizes.

Allan with Bruce Vilanch

Wow, this year has really flown by, just like Hurricane Irene. This week’s column marks my one year anniversary writing for the San Diego LGBT Weekly. It’s been a lot of fun, and I would like to thank the publisher for giving me this opportunity.

Also, I would like to thank the readers of my column. It’s meant so much to have heard from those who have told me personally they enjoy my writing. The most common comment I get is that it is always fun and funny. In the past year, I have tried to be informative and honest with my opinions but, above all, funny. Believe me, life is already too serious.

Cher, cockroaches and Nicole

When I thought she was done, here comes Cher with a movie. Which, by the way, was incredible. I was blown away by the music and make-up work. I have to say that watching Cher with Nicole sitting next to me was an interesting experience. I felt like I was back in the early Jurassic period. Burlesque is a must-see. It’s up there with Moulin Rouge on my chart. And, speaking of dinosaurs and tireless queens, last Friday Nicole celebrated one more birthday – Vegas style. Happy Birthday, Nicole. I wonder who is older, Nicole or Cher? Any bets?

Iceberg

I attended the Stepping Stone boat cruise event, Oct. 5. It was a fantastic experience. I was lucky enough to sit on the same table as the six-time Emmy Award-winner and Oscars writer Bruce Vilanch. Needless to say, I was laughing most of the time. He is an incredible personality with a kind heart. My favorite part was when a loud beeping noise was coming out of the sound system and he immediately screams, “Iceberg! Run for your life!” followed by, “Maybe all these flaming queens in one spot set us on fire!” Congrats to Stepping Stone for a fun event and for their 35 years of great service to our community. I also attended the San Diego Remembers Matthew Shepard candlelight vigil at The Center. Very good attendance and I was surprised to see some of the people I saw there. Congrats to Benny Cartwright and committee for putting this together. I will be going to Palm Springs to attend the EQCA Palm Springs Equality Awards with my dear friend Stuart Milk. Sounds like a fun event.

‘Real Steel’

I finally convinced my stubborn old friend Nicole to go and watch Real Steel. How can you go wrong with Steven Spielberg? We both loved the movie. It’s a mixture of Rocky and Transformers. I was surprised it wasn’t busier.

Out and about

Rich’s celebrated its 20th anniversary with a huge party. I honestly have never seen that place so packed. It was full of people who never come out. The stage and production was amazing as always. Bourbon Street and Global Male also celebrated the anniversary of Tasty Tuesday. That same night Jason Billings and I started at Mo’s for Tap That Ass to see my longtime friend Rob Baker. Then on to Bourbon Street, and somehow we ended up at PECS. Always a fun night when you are around good friends.

A real doll, but not real

October is here. And yes, it’s time to unleash your creativity and gayness by starting to think about your Halloween costume. You will need the basic tools to survive this battle. Hot glue gun, lots of rhinestones, feathers, wigs and sometimes lots of glitter. And keep in mind, best way to shop for next year is picking the costume accessories and pieces left behind by the hot tranny messes. So, roll up your sleeves and let the spirit of Martha Stuart turn your body into a Halloween canvas!

Go Trevor!

Before I took off to San Francisco I attended the event for the Trevor Project at Eden. Eden has been very active in consistently stepping up for community events and worthy causes. This one was a fantastic and fun event. I had a blast. Congrats to Tony Phipps for putting on a great and successful event. During a conversation with him on my way out, he mentioned that event planning is not his cup of tea. That made me think of the immensity of putting on the Nickys.

Tony, you are just too modest; I’m learning a lot from you.

Patrick Wallace, of aNotetoMyKid.comThe Trevor Project and aNoteToMyKid play important roles in our community. With that said, Nicole and I have decided to put a Scary Bingo night together at Bourbon St. Oct. 26 from 8-11 p.m., with more than $2,500 in prizes. The proceeds will benefit The Trevor Project and aNoteToMyKid. Stop by and help us raise money for these two incredible causes.

Play ball!

The Autumn Classic Softball Tournament is this coming weekend and their official closing party will be at Numbers Sunday, Oct. 9 from 5-9 p.m. Proceeds will benefit The Trevor Project. Stop by to see some hot boys!

Little by little we are getting there

This was a good week starting with the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. I attended the event at the LGBT Community Center and it was packed with wonderful people that have been either serving our country in silence or supporting someone who has been serving our country. Of course, the repeal inspired a number of celebrations including one at Bourbon Street that same night. Rich’s, in collaboration with Steve Pena, brought back the highly popular Military Madness party Saturday, Sept. 24. I heard there was a line from 10:30 p.m. until close.

On a side note, that same night was the grand opening of Jeffrey Sankers’ new night at Eden. Word is that Steve Pena kicked his ass with Military Madness. Why would you launch a night for that crowd on Folsom Street weekend? Makes no sense. Speaking of Folsom …

Folsom Street 2011

I just happened to have an Imperial Court event in San Francisco the same weekend as Folsom Street, so I decided to make a weekend out of it. I’ve been to Folsom once before with my mom and stepdad. And, with my ex-husband on a leash. My mom was more into it than I was. Highlight was when she said, “Son, I think he’s going to fist him!” as she grabs her camera out of her bag. I just walked away. This year I was so tired and busy that I didn’t even go out on Saturday night and only made it to Folsom for about two hours. It was great to just walk around with an old friend of mine and catch up. The only bad part was when we got stuck under the famous window with the guy in a mask doing you know what! Everyone had their camera out and you couldn’t move anywhere. I had the guy next to me saying, “Open your mouth.” and the girl on the other side saying, “It’s about to rain on us.” And that’s when I said, “Oh hell, no,” and pushed my way to the other side of the street. Funny thing is that when the guy stopped before “finishing up” the crowd booed him. Pigs. I went out Friday, and God was I messy. Needless to say I was feeling pretty and couldn’t find a cab and thought I could just walk from the Castro to Union Square. Big mistake. Keep in mind I was wearing this tight V-neck shirt that was screaming gay. Some parts on Market Street were not so pretty, to the point I had 911 ready to dial on my phone. It’s a good thing I was brought up in Rio and I am pretty street smart. To end my journey, I lost a bag at a BART station on my way to the airport. And there went my D&G watches and some other valuable things. On the bright side, my insurance was very kind to me.

Real Doll

As you can see, I’ve been pretty busy and no time to even go on a date. And that’s when I came across this new friend on realdoll.comNick, Michael or Nate and the options are endless. From skin, eye and hair color to penis size and pubic hair color. He only costs about $6,000. A lot cheaper than a lot of my boyfriends have cost me in the past and he doesn’t argue with you, doesn’t cheat and no need to use protection.

What’s cooking?

Spin is doing a special gay event again Oct. 22 to welcome back all the boys that haven’t jumped off an Atlantis Cruise. We all know they will all be ready to continue the party. Also, I heard that there is a new monthly party that might be popping up at a downtown venue soon. Think exclusive, underground, fun and crazy. I will keep you posted.

Dear Grindr

Dear Grindr, could you please move the favorite button away from the block button? I have to say that I feel stupid. I always thought it was mean and rude to block people if they didn’t do anything to you, until I was told that by doing that you can see more people that you haven’t seen before. Duh, you only have 100 little squares to fill and they can’t be wasted on friends or people you have no interest in talking to. So I went block crazy. And in that process I kept adding people to my favorites instead of blocking them and vice-versa. They are way too close together.

Is the world ending? My poor family flew into New York. That same day they got hit by Hurricane Irene. Then we all came to San Diego, where we all got to experience the blackout. I felt sorry for my family and thought, wow, we need a vacation from this vacation.

My family was in town for two weeks and we did a lot together. It was great to be around family again. I was especially excited to spend time with my little sister, who I haven’t seen in more than four years. Our time together got me thinking what’s life all about?

Well, I think it’s about all the connections and experiences you have with other people. Life is all about interaction. I’ve been fortunate to have an amazing family. Sadly, they live far away, so I don’t get a chance to enjoy them as much as I’d like. But I do have my San Diego family, including Nicole, Jason, Chris and even close friends in Las Vegas and Los Angeles. These are people that I know if I ever need them, they will be there for me, and that’s a great thing to have. Thank you all for your loyal friendship and love.

Las Vegas baby

If you recall, when my dad was visiting I went to Vegas and lost a lot of money on the damn Sex and the City slot machines. Well Carrie and the girls finally came through. They recently contacted me and offered me three days at a suite at the Palazzo, two tickets for the Phantom of the Opera and a $250 slot credit by the casino! So that’s where we stayed and it was great. I had a blast at the pool … but that’s all I am going to say about that. During our stay, we saw Phantom at the Venetian and Viva Elvis at Aria. Elvis was OK, though a little too slow for my taste – but still an amazing production. Of course I got my family hooked on the Sex and the City slot machines. My sister taught me how to play blackjack and I taught her how to drink and not to pay for drinks at the casino. I also took her to Krave with Tim Hooper, a really good friend of mine. We all had a blast and she drank both of us under the table. It was hard to keep up with the younger sister.

Of course of all nights, the one during which I had my sister with me, this really hot guy was cruising me; but I was too shy to engage in any serious flirtations in front of my sister.

Later, I was happy to realize that when you are around true friends, no matter how long you’ve been apart, you can just go right back to where you left off. I was dancing and kind of checking to see if the hot guy was still dancing behind me. My longtime friend Tim said, “Yes girl, he’s still there and moving closer!” He can read me like a book. It was just like old times when we would go out and cruise guys together.

From glam to ghetto

After staying at this beautiful suite and dining at some great restaurants in Vegas we headed to San Diego. On our way here, I started to see all the Facebook posts about the blackout. I warned my parents, but we had no idea how bad it was. We got to San Diego at about 10 p.m. and checked in to the Lafayette Hotel where they handed us one glow stick. Of course, no elevator and we had over eight oversized pieces of luggage. Nevertheless, we dropped off the bags and went on a journey to find food. Everywhere was dark but Urban Mo’s. Because of SDG&E’s surprise gift, everyone had a reason to get out of the house and drink! The only food we were able to find was from a food truck parked on University. My thought was, “Well, we’ll get some hot dogs and hamburgers,” but when I asked what they had the reply blew me away.

“I just made some king crab risotto.” I stopped for a second and thought: this guy is probably joking. Well, no; he wasn’t joking. And let me tell you; his food was better than some of the food I had at some of the restaurants in Vegas. So if you see a Curiocity Catering food truck parked in your neighborhood, sure to stop by to taste their food. If you see one driving by, flag it down!

Are there gay Smurfs?

I finally caught up with my movies. My sister and I both grew up watching the Smurfs, so we decided it was a good “family” thing to do. I have to say that I love how they had Ken so gay on Toy Story 3 and in The Smurfs the choreographer smurf was beyond gay. My two favorite lines were, “I am too beautiful to die!” and “Gorgeous! Muah!” as he looks at himself in the mirror. I also took my sister to the Imax to see Contagion. They don’t have Imax in Brazil and she wanted to experience that. I was a little disappointed to find nothing in the movie that justifies showing it on an Imax screen. The movie was good, but I had higher expectations.

The Nicky statue gets a tour of Hillcrest.

I hope you all survived Labor Day weekend. Here we are in September already and summer is over. How did I manage to not make it to the beach – not even once?

It has been a busy summer for me, not only with work and community commitments but also with family. It’s not that often that I see mine but both my mom and dad decided to come this summer. My mom, little sister and step dad are currently in town so you might see me out and about with them. I will be meeting them in Vegas and then coming to San Diego and Los Angeles.

Then at the end of this month I will be going to San Francisco with my friend Nicole to Folsom Street Fair. Can you imagine that? Should be very entertaining! I am also meeting up with Flava who is going to be performing with DJ Manny Lehman at the festival on Sunday, Sept. 25 at 3 p.m. Stop by if you are around.

2011 Nicky Awards

First, I would like to thank everyone who attended the event. Also, all the volunteers and sponsors that made it possible for this event to happen. Thanks for all your comments and constructive criticism. We will try to improve and make it better.

I heard concerns in regards to the venue and how rushed it was. I also heard comments on how no one knew who some of the winners were and how they were all my friends. Believe me, if it was based on friendship, a lot of those people would not have won. I had my own opinion of who I thought deserved to get an award but all I did was put out the results from voting.

All I can say is that I did my best and had my best intentions for a fun night. But I am here open to suggestions and help for next year.

Where did Nicky go?

Needless to say, I was exhausted by the end of Sunday night after all the stress backstage. I was starting to relax while picking up and cleaning when I looked on stage and noticed something was missing. “Holy crap! One of the Nicky statues is missing!” And Lisa Sanders replied, “No way. How can someone leave carrying that big statue?”

Now keep in mind those were original academy award statues owned by Robi Cox and they never leave his sight. In the past, even the police have been involved regarding the statues.

I then started to panic. One of the volunteers told me. “Oh, yes. I saw a girl carrying it out the back door.” I had the urge to strangle him but I just walked away to the parking lot and started to vent to my cute Latino friend that was waiting for me.

Of course with my luck who pulls in the parking lot? Mr. Robi Cox! “Hi, I just stopped by to say hi and say that you can bring the statues tomorrow.”

I couldn’t even see straight at that point. I was a hot tranny mess! And I don’t mean drunk. It was just all the stress. Next, someone comes out of The Center and says, “Don’t worry. We know who took it.”

Robi looks at me and says, “Took what? Did someone take one of my statues?” I thought I was going to faint!

To make a long story short, about an hour later Nicky was found on the back seat of a convertible driving down University on its way from Gossip Grill to Mo’s. And when I got there I realized that Sally Hall and some other people from ThatsSoGayLIVE.com thought it would be fun to kidnap Nicky and take him around town.

It’s all on video online on my Facebook wall. You will see a pissed off Brazilian cursing every other word, but it is funny. Believe me, those 60 minutes or so were not so much fun for me but I guess someone has to pay the price for the joke and this time it was me.

Just stay on the lookout Sally … pay back is a bitch! Make sure you superglue your camera to your hand or it might go for a ride around town and remember I can do video editing, so God knows what I can include in there.

My experience with Mike Ruiz

On Saturday night before the Nicky Awards, I took Mike Ruiz to some local clubs that I’d contacted ahead to make sure we were on the list and had something arranged for us.

Our first stop was Eden as it was still early. Eden has been growing in popularity and getting more people on their Friday and Saturday nights but they still need to work on their attitude and service.

While in there we had multiple people coming up to us to introduce themselves to Mike and ask to take pictures. Every single time he was beyond friendly and accommodating. I asked him if it was weird and happened so often to the point that it was too much for him. He replied by saying it’s expected and actually appreciated as people are just validating his work. And above all it gives him a voice within our community.

We had some really in-depth and philosophical conversations and some really personal things. I felt like I was being mentored by someone very grounded and genuine.

We had a great time and Mike emailed me saying that he had an amazing time in San Diego and was honored to receive his award.

Summer is just flying by. It’s almost September and I haven’t been able to hit the beach yet. This has been a busy summer for me. It’s been a very reflecting summer.

Funny to think how at one point in your life you’re fighting to get married and later on fighting to get divorced. I am in the middle of the legal process and it can get expensive and time consuming. Think twice before you sign those papers. This is divorce No. 2 for me. First was my wife. I know; can you imagine me married to a woman? If she didn’t get the clue when we were watching Queer as Folk together then she must be a closeted lesbian. She was my first girlfriend at 17 and I got married at 21.

Do you see the irrational pattern here? I am a very romantic and impulsive person which puts me in these situations. But how boring would life be without taking chances? Even with all the drama involved I don’t regret any of those decisions. They shaped me on who I am.

I feel like singing, “I am who I am. I am my own special creation. So come take a look. Give the hook or the ovation.” Oh God, I am gay!

The Help

I just saw the movie The Help. It was incredible. You must see it if you haven’t. It will for sure win the Oscars next year. I almost cried a couple times, but some other parts were just hilarious. Now, if I don’t like you and for some reason I decide to bring you a pie, be aware! You might be eating my …

I also saw the Rise of the Planets of the Apes and the movie was good to a certain point; then it just got to the point that I was asking myself, “Where in the hell is this going?”

CityFest

Last year, I went to CityFest and ended up at the Brass Rail and don’t remember leaving. It was one of those days. I heard that I was having a lot of fun booty dancing all the way to the floor.

This year I was already tired from the night before. I only made a short visit to Babycakes and they were just packed. It was like a circuit party there. Babycakes is really becoming a popular place.

Urban Mo’s had a line around the corner all day and the Brass Rail was just nuts when I walked by. Looks like CityFest is becoming a major gay event.

On Monday, I went to the Brass Rail with a friend for their ’80s night and I had a blast. It brought back high school memories. On Tuesday, also at the Brass Rail, was the monthly The Card industry party. This event happens once a month at different venues. For more information visit thecardsd.com. The next event will be at Numbers on Sept. 13.

Facebook friends

I want to clarify something that happened last week. People were shocked by me posting my HIV results on Facebook. After talking to some friends I realized that my action might be interpreted in a wrong way. Let me make clear that in no way was I trying to degrade or imply that HIV negative people are better than positive. I had and still have HIV positive people that are very important in my life. My reaction was just a response to some rumors that were going around that I was “sick” because I lost weight.

I am just tired of the generalization that just because you are gay and something changes then automatically you have HIV. This is 2011 and we need to stop making such a big deal out of things. That’s the reason why so many people never disclose their status. They are afraid and ashamed due to this generalization and judgment within our own community.

People that know me closely know that I would’ve posted if the result was positive. It’s just who I am. Crystal clear and black and white. I guess honesty is just shocking to people when they are not expecting it.

Labor Day weekend

Another crazy weekend is coming up. There are a lot of events going on for Labor Day weekend. Start your party at Michael Mack’s cruise on the bay Saturday, Sept. 4 at 4 p.m. with DJ Marcel and DJ Luis Perez. Rich’s will once again have their Massive event on Saturday, Sept. 3. That same night Numbers is doing their monthly Bear Night. Mo’s is doing a Jungle Party weekend and of course their popular Recovery Monday Tea Dance.

Nicky Awards and FilmOut San Diego

FilmOut San Diego started on Aug. 19 and it’s closing this weekend. The San Diego LGBT Weekly is a day sponsor this coming Friday, Aug. 26. For tickets and schedule information visit filmoutsandiego.com. All films will be showing at the Birch North Park Theatre.

Also this weekend is the 36th Annual Nicky Awards. Get your tickets on line at nickyawards.com. The event was sold out last year. All the proceeds will benefit the LGBT Center, Lambda Archives and the Imperial Court.

A Note to my Kid

Last week, I met with Patrick Wallace and Mike and they are the co-founders of a Web site called aNoteToMyKid.com. I was crying reading all these letters from parents all over the United States and even some from Europe. It’s very touching and with no doubt very important to kids that are coming out and insecure to see that it’s OK to be yourself. Just an amazing idea!

I will be helping them launch their new Web site.

Hello, fellow readers. Thanks for the Nicky Awards nominations. I was honored to see my name nominated; however, as co-chair of the event, I can’t be nominated. I guess I do have fans!

Mike Ruiz, center, is being honored at the San Diego Nicky Awards, Aug. 28.

Vote for San Diego’s best

JC Jones

On the subject of the Nicky Awards, online voting is up and running at nickyawards.com. The awards ceremony will take place Aug. 28 at The LGBT Center at 6 p.m. Mike Ruiz of America’s Next Top Model and RuPaul’s Drag Race will be attending and receiving an award during the ceremony. Entertainment for that night includes a special performance by JC Jones, the rising star of Fox’s Glee, TNT’s The Closer and CBS’s The Bold and the Beautiful.

Typos happen

I would like to apologize to my friend Kim Ward – not Kim Wart – for misspelling her name. No comments from the peanut gallery! For some reason, I had a wart on my mind.

Is it all about sex?

As you can probably notice, I’ve been traveling a lot to Los Angeles for work. No, I am not shooting porn! I am part owner of an IT solutions company and store in West Hollywood. Of course, with work comes fun.

I’ve talked about Manhole, a theme night at Mother Lode on Mondays. On this trip I went to Rim Job at MJs on Tuesday. Interesting place if you haven’t been there. Same concept. Very “friendly” go-go boys and porn playing on the TVs. They had an outside area with a shower and also a hot tub! Chi Chi LaRue was spinning and she was cracking me up.

Then on Wednesday, I went to Micky’s for an event called Hot Rod. But the first Wednesday is a theme night called Otter Pop. I love the name. I guess San Diego is not the only place catching onto the bear events. Tons of dancers showing a lot.

I had a blast on both nights. Just seems like all the club nights in LA are related to sex. And surprise, surprise … it works.

Did I bake the puppy?

Here is a funny story. A friend of mine has a really hard time sleeping and that’s why he has a prescription for cannabis (marijuana). With all this “evolution” on cannabis products and choices he decided to try the gel caps with liquid THC (active compound on the plant responsible for its effect). He took one pill and nothing happened.

Or so he thought.

So he took two more. Needless to say, it all hit at once and like a train wreck! Not only was he not able to sleep but he was having weird visions and getting paranoid. It was so bad that he got afraid of his puppy. So he climbed on a chair and locked up the puppy in the kitchen cabinet.

Hours went by and he started to wonder where the puppy was. Then he thought, maybe I baked the puppy and he proceeded to look in the oven.

Finally he heard the poor thing and got him down. Of course, me being such a good friend, I was calling him and pretending I was the FBI or Animal Control.

Point is: be careful and patient when using organic natural products. Dosage and strength varies a lot on those.

I am in love

I finally went to the movies to watch Captain America. OMG! The movie was average, but Captain America made me fall in love. Me and all the gays in the theater. I love super hero movies regardless if they are bad or cheesy. I guess it’s part of my geeky side.

I also saw Harry Potter. The last two movies were OK but this one was pretty good and entertaining.

Bad Teacher was great. I think that would be me if I were a teacher! Zookeeper was funny but not great.

Next on my list is The Smurfs. I used to watch it every single day when I was a kid.

What’s happening in San Diego?

This should be a fun and busy weekend. Join me at the Center on Aug. 13 for the Multicultural Explosion, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Food, outside beer garden and much more.

Sunday, Aug. 14 is CityFest. There are all kinds of pre-parties happening at venues all over Hillcrest starting Thursday at Eden, Friday at Mo’s and Numbers.

Also on Saturday, Aug. 13, Rich’s is bringing back their popular Voltage underwear party.

South Bay Pride will take place on Saturday, Aug. 20 at Chula Vista’s Memorial Park, noon to 7 p.m. That same night, Numbers is bringing back their Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell military night, The Barracks with DJ John Joseph. Part of the door proceeds will be donated to the GLBT Veteran’s Wall of Honor Project at the Center.

And finally, the spell is over: I was finally asked on a date! Stay tuned.

Hello, my dear friends. Yes, there is life after Pride. Well, there is life after Pride for some of us; others are still trying to find things here and there or just trying to resuscitate their bodies (like me!). We all have to survive, so we can make it to Halloween and wear that fabulous wig in the closet. Of course I am not speaking for myself, as I am a butch homo. Who am I kidding?

Los Angeles

I’ve been going to Los Angeles a lot lately for fun and some work. This time, I went to pick up some underwear from Andrew Christian for an underwear party for Pride. It’s pretty funny that they have a pair of underwear that not only is stuffed but also has the shape of a penis head. A totally false advertisement of your jewels. Imagine you see a guy at an underwear party and when you grab his stuff, it’s not real. Hello?

During my stay in LA, I stopped by the ChiChi LaRue store to say hi to my friend Coco LaChine. ChiChi was there and we chatted a bit about San Diego Pride and how she was disappointed that her gig here in San Diego didn’t go through at the last minute and she wasn’t coming. ChiChi keeps losing weight and looks great.

Speaking of losing weight, no, I am not sick! And no, I am not on drugs! I am just eating better and taking better care of myself. But don’t you worry. I’ve not been too good after Pride as I am here writing this column and eating brownies. Get ready! Chubby is coming back.

Later that night, I went to dinner at this Cuban restaurant with Coco. This was my first time trying Cuban food. It was delicious – somehow similar to Brazilian food. While dining, I showed her a picture of my Brazilian “friend” from my Sacramento trip, and her comment was, “Him? I think he’s on the cover of this book we just got in the store.” Sure enough, we go back to the store and it was him. To make a long story short, he ended up being a Randy Blue porn star. Wouldn’t you like to know his name?

San Diego Pride

My Pride was nuts as usual. I worked a lot and did not have a lot of time for fun. I have learned a lesson this year: Not to spread myself so thin and learn to say “no” to people. I am not sure how I thought I could manage being in two Pride contingents for the parade (thanks Ben for making that happen), a drag show at the festival’s main stage and a production of a bar event all in one day.

After sleeping for about one or two hours, I got up Saturday at 7 a.m. to set up for the parade. The parade started at 11 and at 10:45 I was at the car wash getting the convertible cleaned for the parade. I barely made it! Off I went on my first journey, representing the Imperial Court de San Diego.

Then I ran back to the starting point and jumped on the Numbers float. Once again, I barely made it. On that journey, everything went wrong – from the generator and music stopping to a bear friend getting overly excited and puking all over the truck including my shoes. At the end of the parade, I discovered they tossed one of my shoes when they were cleaning up the mess. Thankfully, I remembered a go-go dancer left his boots in the office at Numbers.

Now picture this hot mess: Two hours of sleep, exhausted and stressed, and wearing Jager board shorts, black knee high socks, black go-go boots and a red tank top. I promise that was not what I picked up at Andrew Christian. This is how I showed up at the festival.

After the festival, it was back to Numbers to finish setting up. I didn’t leave till the end of the night – still rocking the board shorts, knee high socks and boots. Needless to say, I was over it!

After catching up with sleep, my best friend Zam and I went to the Remedy Pool Party at the W Hotel. It was a great turn out, and it was nice to see some friends that I haven’t seen in a while. Shortly after, we made it to the Pride festival just in time to watch Frenchie Davis sing and then we were off to the Zoo Party for a couple of hours before work.

Thanks to everyone that had to put up with me during Pride and to the performers for the drag show at the festival.

A moment of reflection

I’ve been working on some stuff with my shrink. Yes, I am crazy! What usually gets me in trouble is my inability to say “no” to people and my desire to always be accommodating. While so many people say that I am stubborn, they can also say that when someone asks for my help, 99 percent of the time I say “yes.”

So the new Allan will try to help you, but don’t be surprised if he says “no.” I will try to put my natural heat aside and handle things more calmly.

This process is part of something that I’ve been learning from two good friends, Dr. Kim Wart and Dr. Hillary Stokes of Authenticity Associates. The Six-Step Attraction Formula: The Internal Factor.

1. Get clear on what you want. Clarify what you specifically want to achieve.

2. Identify why you want it. Your target has to be emotionally engaging for you.

3. Focus on what you want intently. Visualize yourself achieving it for at least 15 minutes per day.

4. Align your state mentally and emotionally with having achieved your target goal throughout the day.

5. Focus on what you can control in the present moment with the quality of your questions.

6. Expect it! Look for the subtle Internal Factor signs that your goal is being achieved.

Allan at last year’s Pride

I hope you have done the basics for this weekend. Haircut, shave, wax, tan and some other personal cleaning. I am so ready! After three months of a diet and exercise, I am where I wanted to be. And this past two weeks, it felt like people were preparing for Pride. The bars were packed for Fourth of July weekend. I think the hot boys were coming to check out the town. Lots of fresh meat!

Troll be or not troll be, that’s the question

Now you will all understand why I was so worried about becoming older. I barely became a year older and already was a victim of elder abuse. Last week, I received the most hateful email of my life. Not only someone called me an old troll, but they said I was hung like a tic tac and called me a dirty uncut Mexican.

First of all, get your facts right. I am a dirty uncut Brazilian! I speak Portuguese. Oi! Tudo bem? And I never lie about my age. I don’t have to yet! I am 37.

Last year I was accused of being homophobic. Obviously, that person has not seen this picture of me on the Pride parade. Could I be any more flamboyant?

Were you at my birthday party?

This was the question I was asking everyone the week after my birthday party. If you were there, thank you for coming and helping me raise money for good charities! And if you were not, then you missed a hell of a party. I have to thank DJ Kiki, DJ Jon Williams and DJ Taj for making it a fun party. Thanks Ryan and Graham for opening their house and thank you Rufskin for the fabulous swimwear used for the auction.

If I didn’t mention someone’s name, it’s because I don’t remember you being there. Somehow we managed to drink a lot that day and at some point I guess I was just having a blast. I passed out and woke up at midnight. I looked around, and (phew!) I was in my bed and luckily he was cute! The next day, not so much.

I was very careful about keeping my wallet and computer bag hidden in the closet during the party. However, the next day, I had no phone, no wallet and no computer. I found the phone on top of one of the speakers outside and so I thought that I would get my bag later from my roommate, Ryan.

Then, I got a message on Facebook from someone that was at the party and couldn’t find his backpack with his phone and wallet in it. I thought it was a little weird, but just went on with my day – or I should say with my recovery.

Later on, Ryan tells me that there’s nothing in his closet! I almost fainted.

A day later, I decided to call my friend that drove me home after the party, who happened to be back in Palm Springs, to maybe look in his trunk and see if anything was in there. Bingo! Not only my bags, but also everyone’s bags were in there. I guess I just assumed they were all gifts! Yeah, messy, I know.

Three days later, we finally recovered our belongings.

And in case you didn’t know, mark your calendars: June 27 was proclaimed Allan Spyere Day in the village of Hillcrest. Thank you Todd Gloria for the proclamation. Thanks everyone for a fantastic birthday!

Super 8

No, you dirty queens, I am not talking about the guy across the hall. I am talking about the movie. I was very impressed and loved it. A little bit of everything from cheesy romance to some scary stuff. The suspense until you actually see how ugly that alien thing was just drove me up the wall.

I also went to Bridesmaids. Not bad, but not fantastic. It was relaxing and funny. Next on my list is Transformers, Bad Teacher and I got “excited” just watching the previews to Captain America.

Pride is here!

So where will you find me? Most nights I will be at Numbers, but you can also catch me at the festival on Saturday around 5:45 p.m. at the main stage for the San Diego Drag Review that I am producing.

Of course there’s a lot going on all weekend and mainly Saturday night but if you are an afterhours party person then you have two good choices: Rich’s for their Massive party with DJ Casey Alva, DJ Nikno, DJ Marcel and DJ Mike Bryant or Circuit Daze at 4th & B with DJ Manny Lehman and Rosabel. I have to say that I was so disappointed when I saw that. I always have to work during Pride and the Sunday closing party with Rosabel is something I always look forward to.

On Sunday I hope I can make it to the Zoo Party. It’s always a lot of fun with friends. Here are a couple of tips on what not to do. And I speak by experience.

• Do not carry $700 in your wallet to the festival when you are only wearing a tiny little Speedo.

• Do not carry your weekend pass for all Pride parties everywhere. Only take it when you are going to the party.

• Do not pee on the float!

• Do not drink tequila during the parade.

• Before spraying your breath mint, make sure you are aiming at your mouth not your eyes.

• Never leave your drink alone somewhere unless you are looking for a freebie.

Lead the way

I went to get tested at UCSD and learned about Lead the Way. This is a new testing center on the corner of University Avenue and Park Boulevard. This location was formed to target the residents of 92103 and 92104 zip codes and give them a more familiar and convenient location.

I guess the fact that the UCSD testing center is part of the hospital can be intimidating to some people. The purpose of this location is to identity and treat HIV positive people in the early stages to reduce the risk of transmission. They also offer the early test just like the UCSD location.

Know your status! Get tested!

Hello, boys and girly girls. Yes, I am older; get over it! I hope by the time this column comes out, I would have survived my birthday. Within a week, I was in Las Vegas, San Diego, San Francisco, Sacramento and Los Angeles. I felt like a nomad, either sleeping on planes or hotel beds. Don’t get me wrong: some of it was very enjoyable.

Las Vegas

You all know that I am Brazilian and my family is back home in Sao Paulo. After almost five years, my dad finally found time to come visit me. I joined him and my lovely stepmom Debora in Vegas for a five-day family vacation at the Venetian Casino.

I arrived in the morning and had a lot of time to wait for my parents to fly in from San Francisco. What do you do in Vegas when you have nothing to do? Here is what I did; learn from it, and never do it.

I checked in and went to the pool. That was great. While in the pool, I was checking out Grindr to see who was around. After a couple hours went by, I decided to move on to the Grindr, drinks and slot machine combo instead. All was going great. I even hit a small jackpot and was up $400 from $20. However, stupid me, I kept playing and lost it all, plus some more. I did have a good time.

After enjoying the slot machine, I decided it was more economical to hang out with a guy I met on Grindr. The rest I will leave up to your imagination.

That same night, I met up with one of my best friends that live in Vegas. We went to Revolution at the Mirage. It was a pretty good crowd and great music. I loved the Cosmopolitan Casino! It was modern, fun and people were relaxed and all about having a good time.

If you go there, don’t miss STK. This steakhouse was amazing. The concept is good, but not sure if it is practical. It’s supposed to be a restaurant/dance place. The music was fun, but way loud – so if you want to have any conversation during dinner, then don’t go there.

It was great being around family again and it was nice to be spoiled again. I think something was wrong with me when my dad offered to buy me D&G shoes and I said no! What was I thinking?

Sacramento

After I got back from Vegas, and after a brief two-day stay in San Diego, I was off to San Francisco and then to Sacramento.

I landed in San Francisco, got a car and drove to Castro for lunch. The weather was just incredible! On my way to Sacramento, I found an outlet mall and – of course – I had to stop. During that stop, I checked on Grindr. You see the pattern? I made a Brazilian friend whose pictures really looked like a catalog model, but I just went with the flow and we chatted for a couple days.

While in Sacramento, I had the pleasure to attend the Pride month celebration at the state capitol, which included the recognition of eight Californians by the state Assembly. One of those Californians was my dear friend, Nicole Murray Ramirez. I have to say that this was an amazing experience, and at the same time, interesting. Watching the Assembly in session: some assemblymen had their feet up on the desk, texting with not a clue or interest on what was going on.

It was mind blowing to witness three members get up and walk out of the room when the Pride month declaration and awards were being voted. Even more was to see the one voting no! Loud and clear. It just shows we still have a lot of work to do.

I also had a chance to visit some of the nightclubs there. Don’t miss Faces if you go to Sacramento. That place is huge. Terry, the owner, was taking me around town.

On my way back to San Francisco, I stopped by that Brazilian friend’s place. The picture was not a catalog picture; it was really him. I guess that was my birthday gift.

Needless to say, I arrived to the airport with just 25 minutes before my flight was supposed to leave. I was a hot mess running from the ticketing booth to the gate. I felt like I was watching a movie and I was the comedy act.

Los Angeles

My final stop was in Los Angeles. First was dinner at Fogo de Chao, a Brazilian steakhouse to die for. I guess now they have more locations in the U.S. (16) than in Brazil (6). It’s pricey, but worth it.

Then I went out for a drink at the Mother Lode for a night called Manhole! It was pretty much a small dive bar. Full on porn playing on the TVs and hot go-go dancers. This place was packed. Worth going if you are in WeHo on a Tuesday night.

Mr., Miss and Ms. Gay Pride 2011

Numbers (3811 Park Blvd.) is hosting the annual Mr., Miss and Ms. Gay Pride San Diego contest set for July 9. The winners will ride in a place of honor in the annual Pride parade. Contestants are being sought for Mr. (male), Ms. (female) and Miss (impersonators /trans). A distinguished panel of judges will judge contestants and the evening will include entertainment, auctions, dancing and surprises. The 2011 Pride contest will be a benefit for the Harvey Milk/NMR Student Scholarship Fund. For more information, call Allan Spyere at 619-300-1232.

Empress Erika Odessa and the new Mr. Miss and Ms. Gay Latino San Diego 2011

June is here and the celebration begins. It’s my birthday month and I do like to celebrate the whole month. Believe me, I can feel my age. Last week I felt like everything was falling apart and I needed a tune up and some lubrication, and – you dirty perverts, I am not talking about personal lubricant.

So, you might be asking yourself: What the heck is there to celebrate? I’ve been reflecting a lot about things in my life and I do have to say that I am a lucky man. Although I am away from my family, I found wonderful people here that have showed me so much love, support and affection that they have become truly my family. For that, I am thankful, and that is a good reason to celebrate.

Pool parties

Memorial Day weekend was the kickoff for the pool parties and barbecues in town. After working all weekend, I decided that on Monday I was going to let loose and have fun. I ventured to a pool party at my friend Ryan Bedrosian at around 4 p.m. This party was packed and lots of fun. It felt like I was at a spring break beach party.

I had so much fun that I decided that I wanted a party like that for my birthday party. It will be Saturday, June 25, 1-6 p.m. Same location. If you don’t know where, then contact me at aspyere@cox.net or call 619-300-1232 for directions.

The party will include a hosted bar, food, Jell-O shots, guest DJs and a Rufskin swim wear auction with some hot boys! There’s a $15 suggested donation to benefit the NMR Student Scholarship, The Ben Dillingham Fund and The Trevor Project. Don’t miss out on this, it will be a blast!

Big Pride parties and events

With Pride coming up we need to make plans early and get our cheap tickets in advance. Here are my picks of some the big parties that will be happening on Pride weekend.

Friday, July 15

• Michael Mack presents Bear on the Bay Pride Dance with DJ Shane Stiel, 7-11 p.m.
• Pride Ball at Spin with DJ Luis Perez and DJ Kimberly S, 10 p.m. – 4 a.m.

Saturday, July 16

• Pool party at the Handlery Hotel with DJ Phill B and Twisted Dee, 1-7 p.m.
• Circuit Daze at 4th & B with DJ Manny Lehman and DJ Ralphi Rosario and Abel, 10 p.m. – 6 a.m.
• Massive at Rich’s with DJ Nikno, till 4 a.m.
• LL Bear and BearNight Presents Furball at Numbers with DJ Jon Williams and DJ Candy 9 p.m. – 2 a.m.

Sunday, July 17

• Zoo Party with DJ Wayne G and DJ Joe Gauthearox, 4-11 p.m.
• Fete Accompli at On Broadway Event Center with DJ Luke Johnstone, DJ Pagano and DJ Tony Moran, 10 p.m. – 4 a.m.

Bears gone wild?

It feels like bear events are popping up like baby boomers. I heard that members of the bear community are not that pleased that everyone is trying to target them so much. Obviously there are large and established events like LL Bear and BearNight that have been around way before this bear madness. To an extent, I think that these two events made people realize and recognize the large presence of the bear community. But keep in mind that you can only do so much without burning them out and that’s why nothing else has been successful and long lasting. Let’s lay off the bears.

How high can you go?

This past week, I had the pleasure of being invited to a formal dinner at the University Club in downtown. The restaurant is on the top floor and I was looking around at the other incredible condos and the magnificent view. The food was just incredible and it was great to spend time with my good friends Bruce Abrams, Alma Vasic, Ben Dillingham and Nicole. They are all people that I keep close to my heart.

A couple of days later, I was invited by a “friend” to stop by and check out the “view” of his 26th floor condo balcony. Funny enough it was the one I was looking at from the University Club. But that time, I was wearing very little to nothing while appreciating the “view.” I do have to say that it was very liberating and fun!

X-Men

I finally found time to go to the movies and watch the new X-men movie. Total disappointment!

First I was supposed to go with a friend who was rude enough to either forget or typically not care that we had plans to see it Friday. When I texted to set up a time on Thursday the reply was “I just got done watching it.” That was a disappointment. No need to say his number has been deleted.

Then the movie was not all that. I would say just OK. Wolverine was in it for like 30 seconds and said three words.

Upcoming plans

Stop by Numbers for a charity event for The Imperial Court called Leather and Lace on Sunday, July 19, 5-9 p.m. and see the girls wearing leather and the boys with their lace on.

I am on my way to Sacramento for a fun weekend. Hope to see you all at my birthday party.

Nicholas Moede and his parents at the Wave House

I guess this is it. Summer is here! I was out this past week and places were packed and a lot of familiar faces that I haven’t seen in a while were back out.

Prides

Pride is also right around the corner and the lineup for Pride is out. Saturday, I will be putting together a San Diego Drag Show Review on the main stage, followed by Margaret Cho and Kristine W. On Sunday, they will have Frenchie Davis and Salt-N-Pepa at the main stage. Looks like it will be a fun festival this year.

June 11 is Los Angeles Pride. Their entertainment lineup also includes Margaret Cho, Mya and Macy Gray.

Summer is ours

Based on the pictures I saw and what I hear from friends, the Reclaim Summer party at the Wave House was a hit. We showed all the straight boys and girls how to party. I saw pictures of boys wrestling on the sand. Hot!

Speaking of summer, I wrote about a diet that I was trying out. So far it’s working really well. I haven’t been this light in years!

I didn’t join the Flag Football League, but I did go back to the Different Strokes Swim Team (DSST). Girly girl! I thought I was going to drown! After 30 minutes, I was done. I was out of breath and my legs were like Jell-O, but it was all worth it when I saw the hotties coming out of the pool.

Here are some of my favorite places where you will most likely find me this summer.

Black’s Beach is always a good option for a summer day. Great exercise hiking that hill up and down.

Call me white trash, but I love going to Knott’s Soak City water park in Chula Vista. You can get a season pass valid at all three locations (San Diego, Orange County and Palm Springs) for only $54.99.

Cleve Jones and Allan at the ribbon cutting ceremony for the new Trevor Project center in San Francisco.

Mo’s is always a good choice to end your afternoon before your disco nap. Brunch at Baja Betty’s is always good to get you jump-started on Sundays.

San Francisco

My trip to San Francisco was great. Really busy, but a lot of fun. As soon as we landed – with three hours of sleep – Stuart Milk, Nicole and I went straight to a Harvey Milk event at a school in The Castro. From there, we walked to Harvey’s old camera shop, which is now a Trevor Project call center.

Later, we went to a drag makeover for The Imperial Court of San Francisco. The funny thing was when we finally realized that this drag pageant took place at a church. I have pictures to prove it. Even better, one of the contestants was the minister! Only in SF could this happen.

I was finally able to take a break and go out to Badlands in The Castro. I got there at 1 a.m. and there was still a huge line out the door, even with a cover. Once I got in, I felt like I was at an outlet mall. Everything was on special – the men and the booze! A couple of Cosmopolitans later, I was feeling really pretty and thought I had something in the bag, but somewhere I just lost it.

I was up at 9 a.m. the next morning to head over to The Castro again for the ribbon cutting ceremony of the Trevor Project center. Being at the camera store with Anne Kronenberg, Stuart Milk, Cleve Jones, Dustin Lance Black and others was just mind-blowing. We finished the day at a Trevor Project party.

With all these stars there I had no choice but to be inappropriate in order to be noticed. I decided to wear the tightest pair of Rufskin jeans and vest I had in my closet. When I walked into this amazing 55th floor condo, I could see heads turning and whispers. I wasn’t sure if they wanted to toss me out of the window or toss me in the bedroom down the hallway but my mission was accomplished. I sure didn’t pass unnoticed.

Fun and relaxation

I’ve been to a bunch of casinos in the area, but there’s a specific one that I love. Harrah’s Rincon Hotel and Casino in Valley Center is just 45 minutes away and it has an incredible pool area. I was there a couple years ago when they had a Pitbull concert by the pool. I had a blast.

This past week I went there for the day to relax and get away. Their spa is great and very gay friendly. I had a massage and a full body scrub.

The food is also pretty good. It’s just so nice to walk in at 11 p.m. and have dinner.

I was addicted to two slot machines: Sex and the City and Wheel of Fortune. The only bad thing is the number of old ladies that are also addicted to the Sex and the City machine. I was about to knock them down for monopolizing the machines.

Always hot boys at Numbers’ Pan Dulce on Fridays

Happy birthday, Harvey Milk! This Sunday we will be celebrating Harvey Milk Day 2011 and I am heading up to San Francisco for the festivities, which including a march. It should be a fun weekend with plenty to tell when I come back. As far as my trip to Orange County I mentioned in my last column, I did not come back with a husband or a boyfriend this time! I guess that’s an improvement.

Online communications

I was online, doing some research, when I got this interesting message on Adam4adam. I am a “fuoriclasse.”

In my profile, I have a long list of requirements. Some people really don’t like that. My so-called requirements are not set in stone, but are guidelines for what I would like to have or not have. I do that for my own sake to keep the crazies away.

This one guy messaged me, said he liked my profile and I was a fuoriclasse. He is Italian and I am Brazilian, so we are two foreigners trying to communicate in English! I immediately thought, “Oh Lord, one more cursing at me!” I also thought, “Is this English? Am I that illiterate?”

Thanks to Wikipedia, I got the meaning of it. The translation for fuoriclasse, an Italian word, means “without equal and unmatched.”

Even with the definition, I was still confused. Should I take it as a complement or not?

He said, “fuoriclasse is someone who has quality and is not common – someone who has peculiarities,” and that it was a good thing. I was surprised it was something positive. I guess you can call me fuoriclasse. Sounds fancy, doesn’t it?

Who wants a Tic-Tac?

Speaking of the crazy men in my life, let’s get the white elephant out of this page. So I’ve had a crush on this guy for years. He was telling a friend of mine that he thought about asking me out but that he needed someone at least average in size, if you know what I mean! My friend was puzzled by the comment and asked what his comment was about. I guess one of my exes has been telling people I am not all that. So, let’s make it public that I am no anaconda but I am not hung like a Tic-Tac. Funny thing is that he was the one with that issue. Tic-Tac!

A One Woman Show

The Flame is back in business. La Fierce is releasing her debut 2011 album, The Definition of the Drag Queen La Fierce, and she performs her first concert, A One Woman Show, live at The Flame on Wednesday, May 25. Visit lafierceworld.com to view the video, music, photos, news and more. steppingstonesd.org

Stepping Stone turns 35

On June 4, 2-6 p.m., friends and alumni of Stepping Stone of San Diego will bring together hundreds of people for an outdoor extravaganza to celebrate the organization’s 35th anniversary. Supporters of Stepping Stone are also invited to attend the anniversary open house and proclamation ceremony on Friday, June 3, 3-5 p.m. at the residential treatment facility, 3767 Central Ave. I will be helping them with the stage and the House Boi fashion show that afternoon. For more information, visit

Rapture at The Flame on Saturdays is all about the ladies.

Reclaim Summer and Refresh

On Saturday, May 21, start with Reclaim Summer, 1-7 p.m. at the Wavehouse (3105 Ocean Front Walk), and then afterwards, head over to Numbers for the official after party and last Refresh night.

Welfare Wednesdays

My really good friend (sister) Tim Hooper came to visit me from Vegas and we had to go out for a good time. Isn’t it great when you have friends that you haven’t seen in ages, but when you get together it’s just like old times? We picked up where we left off.

We started at Flick’s for their Welfare Wednesdays with $2 well drink specials. You bet that with this economy, they were packed wall to wall. It’s great that they’ve had that night going so well for so long. Stop by Flick’s if you haven’t been in a while.

After that, we went to Rich’s. That’s all a blur. It was a pretty good crowd and we had a blast dancing to DJ Luis Perez.

Harvey at Rich’s

Friday, May 20, Rich’s is commemorating Harvey’s birthday with a big party. Part of the proceeds benefits the Harvey Milk Foundation. Stop by, show your support and have fun.

Memorial Day weekend

Of course, this is a busy weekend as the official kick off for summer. There are a lot of good events going on.

You can start with Michael Mack’s T-dance on the Bay with DJ Luis Perez, 12-4 p.m. I am glad to see that Michael is doing well and back with his events.

Rich’s is having Active Duty on Saturday, May 28 with DJ Nikno. There is no cover with valid military ID before 11 p.m. or half off after that. On Sunday, May 29, they have their popular Summer Kickoff Party.

Numbers is having a special Eye Candy Party on Sunday, May 29 with DJ Chris Ryan and a Rihanna concert tickets giveaway.

Also on Sunday, there is an Action Party with DJ Alexander at Boudoir.

Hellur … I am melting with this heat. It’s a good thing I don’t have silicone yet, or they would be melting. I am not complaining after seeing a picture of what Utah looks like right now. It’s no wonder those Mormons get all screwed up in the head. It’s lack of sunshine.

Movies

I’ve been slacking on my movie dates, but as you can see, I did go see Madea. It was not as good and funny as the other ones, but it was OK. I heard Rio was pretty good; it is my hometown, so that’s next on my list.

Dining Out for Life

Big Mike and Allan helping at Dining Out for Life at Bangkok Thai Bistro.

Last week, I was a celebrity waiter at Bangkok Bistro with Big Mike, Nicole Murray Ramirez, Nathan Fletcher, Todd Gloria, Bob Nelson and others. Thank you to all my friends that showed up and had to put up with me. Girrrl!

It is a good thing I don’t do that for a living. It is definitely not my best skill. I can “serve” people, but not food. This was my first time serving food, and when my boss showed up I thought, “Oh crap, I am going to get fired if I screw up this order.”

When I was going to college, I did the retail store thing to get me by and not the server thing that really makes good money. I do have to say that it was a great experience, but I’d rather be on the other side of the table.

Spin

I hear rumors that Spin already has a gay night planned sometime soon, maybe in May. Also that during Pride, one of Bill Hardt’s parties will also be hosted there. I stopped by for their “last gay night” and it was pretty busy and people were having a good time. Stay tuned for more.

The Flame

Yes, believe it or not it is still open. I never hear anything about it but I guess they are under new management and back doing things with the community. I was there on Monday for a charity event and I still have the same opinion that it was a lot better when it wasn’t so open and one big room, full of space. I wish it could go back to what it was back in the days – a nice intimate bar.

Easter egg hunt

Thank you all for your support and generosity helping us put together the 8th Annual Easter Egg Hunt. We had more than 500 kids going nuts for baskets and candy. This is one of the most important community events for me and it always fills my heart with joy to see those kids so happy, and not crying and screaming.

A special thanks to the San Diego American Flag Football League. They donated more than 300 baskets and a cash donation. The best part was that I had to go to their field in La Jolla to pick them up – and I was in heaven.

Flag football league

Yes, that’s Allan as the Bunny.

I was like a kid in a candy store. Most guys were pretty good looking and some of them I have never seen before and very rarely out at the clubs.

I picked up the phone and called my friends saying, ”Girlfriend, I just realized after all these years that I am into sports. I am spending my Saturday morning here!” Just 30 minutes later, there we were having no clue what was going on, but “watching” the game very closely. Something that was supposed to take 30 minutes, took me three hours, but totally worth it.

Plus, it’s so easy to point them out. You can just say, “Hellur, No. 3 is hot but I wouldn’t throw No. 11 out of my bed. That day No. 22 did the trick for me. Damn, he was hot.” I felt like a high school cheerleader next to the field dreaming about the football jocks.

I realized that this would be a perfect place to meet someone to date. If they are there on a Saturday morning, then they probably have their life together. But most of these boys are gay and were trying to rush the game so they can go drink at Pecs. That made it even better. Are you athletic, hot and fun? Sounds like a golden ticket to me.

You can learn more about the Flag Football League at sdffl.org. Thanks also to Tom Weigand and his team of photographers for providing the football photos in San Diego LGBT Weekly.

Divas and not so divas

I have been in the nightclub industry now for more than eight years and it’s just a fun and crazy industry. When you combine drag queens, bartenders, go-go dancers, DJs and, on top of that, there’s alcohol – it’s the receipt for either a lot of fun, a lot of drama or both.

I’ve seen some crazy and tragic things happen, but they are always entertaining. I guess that’s what makes it interesting. Some of them think they are divas and most of us believe we are divas.

That’s why I always say, “My life is a cabaret!”

Hot boys at Rich’s for their Laser Party.

Isn’t San Diego a wonderful city? It feels like summer already and that’s why I am on a diet! With summer and Pride around the corner, it’s time to get your A game on. Most of the guys already started so they could be ready for the White Party. I decided to stay in town and have my own party and went bar hopping from one place to another. Started at Numbers for the Glow Stick Party, then Rich’s for the Black Party and then to Spin for Club Papi. And that didn’t cost me $130.

Slow carb diet

Speaking of diets, I heard about this one and decided to do some reading and research on it. So here are the basic rules.

Rule 1. Avoid “white” carbs.

Rule 2. Eat the same few meals over and over again.

Rule 3. Don’t drink calories. Yes for diet sodas, ice teas and coffee (no sugar or cream). And funny enough wine is supposed to aids sports recovery and fat-loss.

Rule 4. One cheating day a week and call it “Dieters Gone Wild” day. Eat anything you want. That actually increases fat loss by shocking your body with an overload of calories keeping your metabolism from down regulating due to an extended caloric restriction.

For more information, Google Tim Ferriss slow carb diet. And of course: exercise!

Chicks with dicks

On April 9, I had the pleasure to judge the Queen USA 2011 competition in Hollywood. With me, on the panel were the President of Christopher Street West, aka Los Angeles Pride Rodney Scott, West Hollywood Mayor John Heilman and others. It was such a spectacular night with 16 transsexual contestants. They all looked like beauty pageant queens out of Miss USA and Rodney, John and I had a blast.

Mainly, when this entertainer was doing splits, we thought something was going to come untucked. I am not talking about RuPaul’s show.

After that I went to Micky’s in West Hollywood to meet up with some friends for a couple of drinks. They were having a disco flashback night. The crowd was going crazy with the top popular songs from that time. I think San Diego is due for a fun night like that. Back to the oldies!

Blast from the past

Check out the cool shirts at Izzms.com.

Not only the music and taste going back to the ’70s and ’80s, Converse shoes with undone shoelaces are back in style and so are the ’80s haircuts and tight tapered jeans.

Now I understand why my mother had 100 pairs of shoes in her closet. I always asked my Mom, “Why do you keep all this old stuff?” And she said, “Child, it always comes back in style at some point.” And she was right. It did come back in style over and over.

Party, party, party

With summer approaching quickly, a lot of new nights are popping around town.

The Brass Rail started two new nights. Rampart 2.0 on every first Friday is supposed to be a men’s night. Pretty much like Meat Rack at the Eagle in Los Angeles. I heard that the first night was OK, but not packed. The other night is Tagged Thursdays.

I went to check it out. While sitting there, talking to friends, one of them says, “Did you check in on Facebook?” I said, “No, I am busy actually talking to my friends and socializing and not on my phone for once.” This shows how technology has made us so disconnected on some levels.

On April 23, Rich’s is doing their Jungle Party. If you are not in a Tarzan mood, then Numbers is doing Score with DJ Marcel and Padres tickets giveaway.

April 28 is Dining Out for Life. Make sure you go eat at one of the participating restaurants and then drink at one of the bars that are part of this important event.

April 30, Eye Candy is celebrating its one year anniversary at Numbers with underwear party and guest performance by Eva.

Easter bunny

Thanks everyone that donated and helped us raise money and Easter baskets for the community children’s Easter egg hunt. If you are in the neighborhood, stop by on Sunday at Trolley Park and you will see hundreds of kids waiting for their Easter baskets.

Rawjock

I came across a profile on Facebook about a 19-year-old kid who has a website and a profile on A4A where he blogs about his bareback experiences and promotes bareback sex. I just don’t understand how people can still think that way, knowing how many people have lost their lives by having careless unprotected sex. Come on, it’s 2011 and we know better.

I am on my way to Orange County next. Last year I was there, I came back with a husband and a boyfriend. I will keep you all updated. Tootles.

Go see Nathan and Mark on Thursdays for Varsity at Numbers.

Happy White Party week! It’s our second New Year’s celebration. Some people get so messed up they need to start a new year after that. And I speak from experience. Lord knows … I had my party animal days.

New York, New York

I just got back from my trip to the Big Apple and it was amazing. On my way to New York I started looking at what was on Broadway because I can’t go to New York and not do Broadway every night. Lucky me: La Cage Aux Folles and Priscilla, Queen of the Desert had just opened. I was in heaven!

So, Saturday I went to the half-price ticket booth and got orchestra tickets to La Cage for the 2 p.m. show. The play was great and as good as I expected. It was good to see Harvey Fierstein perform, but I do have to say that his singing wasn’t the best. Christopher Sieber, on the other hand, was amazing. During that musical I learned a new word: Orthodykes. Jewish lesbians. I thought it was very funny and clever.

On to the next musical on Sunday. My friend Coco LaChine got us fourth-row orchestra seats for Priscilla and they were the best seats ever. Priscilla was probably one of the best musicals I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen a lot of them. The music was great, singing was superb and the sets and costumes were mind-blowing. The men … just gorgeous. I couldn’t focus on anything but their abs and ass.

My two favorite lines from Priscilla were: “If I were to give the world an enema, I think I just found the point of entry!” and “Oh, how typical! Just when you are getting so close, you run out of battery!”

I was happy to see that we had two major gay musicals that are doing well.

White Party tips

I used to go to the White Party every year, back when it was good. Over the years, it has been going downhill – with the prices higher and not worth the lineup of entertainment that is being offered. The only thing that looks appealing to me this year is the closing party with Rosabel and performances by Wynter Gordon and Natalia Kills.

My favorite part was always the pool parties. Those are always fun and not as tragic. I’ve had some tragic moments in the past (and I am glad that they are in the past). Speaking from my own experience, if you are going to use it, then double wrap it! Transmission rate of STDs in Palm Springs during White Party is very high. Don’t be stupid!

Not a White Party fan?

There are some hot dancers at Repent at Rich

If you are not a White Party fan, here are some options for you to still party and have fun in town.

Rich’s is doing its sixth annual Black Party with DJ Taj this Saturday and Numbers is doing a Glow Stick party with DJ Will Z. If you are Latino or into Latinos, then your best bet is the Club Papi party at Spin.

Girls’ gone wild

I finally stopped by Repent at Rich’s this past Thursday and it was a lot of fun. I felt like I was at coyote ugly. The bartenders were hot and sexy and the shows were very entertaining. I was surprised to see how many girls were out late on a Thursday night. If you haven’t been there then you are missing out on a fun night with the ladies!

Gaga or Britney

I decided to go to the Lady Gaga concert last minute and I was able to get some cheap good seats. She was nuts! Her singing was amazing and the show very entertaining. I was happy to see that during the whole show she was always an advocate to our community. Always talking about equality and gay rights.

She made some comments during the show about writing her own songs and about never lip-syncing. I think she was referring to Britney Spears who was supposedly lip-syncing in L.A. and the people were not happy about it.

Speaking of Britney, Rich’s is doing a Britney themed party on April 15 with Britney remixes on the main room and Britney videos in the front room. Free raffle with Britney CDs, DVDs and free VIP bottle service.

Farewell to Spin

After a long time on the ups and downs, Spin is changing their Saturdays to a more “hetero” format as stated on Facebook. In my opinion, it’s not the distance that makes that venue a hard one. Come on, a lot of our “gays” drive 100 miles to party in WeHo. It was the high cover, expensive and small drinks and a large venue that is hard to fill, so it always looks empty. The remodel also made the place brighter which is not necessarily fit for an after hours club.

I have great memories from Spin (back when it was Montage) but everything must come to an end. And just like Cher, Spin is on for one more farewell tour Saturday April 16 with DJ/Producer Manny Lehmann. Stop by and say goodbye to that legendary nightclub.

The Jager models and I having a blast at The Barracks.

“There are those relationships that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”

As you can tell I have been watching a lot of the good old TV shows, like Sex and the City and AbFab. Our editor asked me to come up with something that describes who I am or something about me … so here we go. “Yeah, I am harsh. I am also demanding, stubborn, self-sufficient and always right.” And here are some of my favorite quotes from Sex and the City that I think we all can relate to:

• “You men have no idea what we’re dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don’t call it a job for nothin’.” (Was Samantha wrong on this one. We do know that and that’s why we are good at it. Gag reflex? What’s that?)

• “I’m thinking balls are to men what purses are to women. It’s just a little bag, but we feel naked in public without it.”

• “How does that work? You go to bed one night, wake up the next morning, and poof – you’re a lesbian?”

• “What am I supposed to say? ‘Hi, this is my lesbian lover. And p.s.: I’m done with dick?’”

• “Are we simply romantically challenged, or are we sluts?”

This last one brings me to my next topic. A good friend of mine that happens to be married (to a guy) asked me to talk about my views on three ways. Funny enough, something just happened this week that made me stop and think about it more.

Right way, wrong way and the three way

I have tried them and I guess they can be fun if your relationship and your mind are on the right place. A sexual three way with no emotional connection, of course, is hot, but when one of the other two is someone you care for, it gets a little bit more complicated.

Because I’m a tri-sexual (I’ll try anything once), I’ve experienced three ways from hot sex to a three way relationship deal (I felt like I was part of HBO’s Big Love). Although it was fun, it also got really complicated.

The truth is when you have three people, someone will at some point get less attention. That creates instabilities and insecurities. If you are already insecure or your relationship is not stable, then chances are that it won’t work for you.

Why are we turning straight?

Lately, I keep seeing all these gay events at straight clubs and it just puzzles me why are we trying to “invade” them.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t have anything against straight people or straight bars, but when I see our gay bars struggling to get people, it makes me wonder where our priorities are. Most of these businesses are the ones that built and continue to support programs within our community.

DJ Pornstar will be spinning and signing some of his videos at Numbers on March 26.

Actually I do have something against straight bars. The drinks are always pricy and weak. I was at AC Lounge this past Tuesday to check out their gay night event and a small weak drink was $7.

That made me leave and go on to my next destination, Bourbon Street for Tasty Tuesday. And I had a blast there. Stop by and support them. First Tuesday: Battle of the divas hosted by Shania and Naomi; Second Tuesday: Hot model underwear contest $300 cash and prizes; Third Tuesday: College night drink specials with college ID; Fourth Tuesday: featured artist night free CD giveaways.

Varsity at Numbers on Thursdays are also great. I had a blast on St. Patrick’s Day there. I was probably a fashion road-kill as I am color blind and can’t see green.

Lady Gaga

The diva will be in San Diego for her concert March 29 at 8 p.m. at the Viejas Arena. She has become the first musician to achieve more than 20 million digital singles sales. Her single “Just Dance” has gone six times platinum, “Poker Face” five times platinum and “Bad Romance” four times platinum. “Paparazzi” and “Love Game” are not far behind.

Lady Gaga has given a rare insight into her pre-fame past in a new book, Everyone Loves You When You Are Dead. In the book, written by Neil Strauss, Gaga speaks about her past drug abuse and the conditions in which she used to live in when she was younger.

“Sometimes it freaks me out when I think about laying in my apartment [in New York] with bedbugs and roaches on the floor and mirrors with cocaine everywhere, and no will or interest in doing anything but making music and getting high,” she said.

She added: “I’ve had such obstacles with drugs and rejection and people not believing in me. It’s been a very long and continuous road that I love, but it’s hard to just chalk it up to myself.” Gaga said she experimented with drugs for artistic ends, inspired by David Bowie and Mick Jagger. “I didn’t have a bad childhood,” she said. “All of the things I went through were on my own quest for an artistic journey to fuck myself up like [Andy] Warhol and Bowie and Mick.”

Porn, fashion and good music

Sounds like a party to me!

Saturday, March 26, DJ Pornstar – aka Dominic Pacifico – will be spinning and signing some of his videos at Numbers.

That same night is the famous annual Rufskin fashion show at Rich’s and DJ Tony Moran – not a porn star – will be at Spin.

Thankfully, I will be in New York and don’t have to choose between these fun events.

Stop by The Center on April 2, 6 p.m. to support the Imperial Court and see me step down as Prince and step up as Emperor. It should be a fun night for charity.

I am off to New York this week and I am sure I will have plenty to share on my next column. Don’t forget: Until he says “I love you,” you’re a free agent.

Alex Pettyfer stars in I am Number Four.

Here we are in March already! Another year is just flying by. Once again, I am taking applications for potential dates. Well, I should somehow reword that.

My shrink told me that I have a pattern of always picking guys that are potential good partners and not someone who is, already in the present, ready for a stable relationship, making them more than just a potential success. I guess she is right.

I always pick people with a genuine good heart but always a project. Maybe that’s the attractive part, the challenge. For the moment I am done with projects, so apply only if you have more than the potential of being a good boyfriend. I will elaborate on my concept of a good boyfriend below.

San Francisco!

These past two weeks have been really busy, but a lot of fun, too.

I landed in San Francisco on two hours of sleep two weeks ago and went straight to Marlena’s (small bar somewhere in SF). I was there to host an event to benefit the Trevor Project, and of course, they decided to take bids for me to strip down to my undies. Things I do for charity!

So there I was sleepless and not feeling that pretty with the feeling that I was the item being sold at the swap meet. I did have a lot of fun and raised a good amount of money.

I then ventured to the street to catch a cab to the hotel. I felt like I was in New York and was going to have to cut a bitch in order to get a cab. I was so bored waiting for one that I was multi-tasking on Adam4adam and Grindr trying to fit a trick in my two hour window between events.

Needless to say, I got to the hotel and – like an old man that I am – I passed out.

Off to the next event I went until 11 p.m. that night, and of course I had to go to The Castro for my first time. My friends Chris Horton and Tony Monteleone showed me a great time. We went bar hopping and I was surprised to see how the streets were so busy with people walking around.

After a fun night I ended up at some pizza place where some hot big chested Latino guy was basically undressing me with his eyes while making slow movements with his tongue around his lips. Yeah, I felt like I was watching some cheap soft porn.

Speaking of porn.

Is anybody there?

I hired a well know porn start to make an appearance in San Diego.

Five days before the event I decided to text him just to make sure, because I know how flakey this industry is. His reply was, “Yes, we are confirmed for the bay area this weekend. Oh, hell no. I went from fabulous to ghetto in two seconds.

After multiple text messages, he basically told me that it wasn’t on his calendar. So, if you show up to the event to see Adam Killian and he is not there, chances are he forgot or decided to take a higher paying gig. In my opinion: just shady and tragic.

Lucky Daniels

Even more tragic was trying to find a replacement. When I thought we had someone referred by Adam, a huge problem came up: He is not familiar with public transportation. Come on, ladies! How hard is it to take the train from LA? I guess when you only have two working brain cells, and one of them goes in and out, it makes it difficult to perform such a challenging task.

I finally came across someone that not only was better looking than Adam, but was nice and smart. I could actually have a conversation with him. Imagine that. Thanks Lucky Daniels for setting a good standard of what a professional model should be.

Out and about

My friend Tony from New York came down to visit. It was my turn to show him a good time. We went from the airport straight to Baja Betty’s to have lunch with my friend Pascal from Jager. It just happened that it was his birthday and we had to celebrate with some shots.

Later on, we went to Fiesta Cantina for Taco Tuesday, then Mo’s for Tap That Ass, then Bourbon Street for Tasty Tuesday, and then we finally ended up at Pecs, where we stayed till the ugly lights came up.

Wednesday, I made it to Rich’s where I got to hang out with friends I haven’t seen in a long time. Good times. Out with Foreplay and in with Varsity.

Numbers was a blast on Thursday for their new College Night. I was like a kid in a candy store. Mom, can I take him home? Please!

I am Number Four

Great movie! Not only were the special effects great, but the movie just made me jump off my seat. I was not distracted for a second. Just a really cool movie!

I wish I could shine light from my hands! According to my ex, I shine light from another place. My heart maybe?

Good boyfriends

These are the basic things that I think are necessary for anyone to be a good boyfriend. Stress on “I think.”

Your opinion might be different. If you are going to call someone your boyfriend, then you should be affectionate, respectful, supportive and compromising.

For me, cuddling and good sex is also a must. I honestly think that these are basic human and logical needs in any relationship. What’s the point of having a boyfriend if you don’t feel and can see that someone cares about you?

What’s coming up?

March 12 is Barracks at Numbers with DJ Marcel. March 17 is St. Patrick’s Day and there are tons of events happening in town. March 18 is Born This Way Gaga pre-concert party at Rich’s, giving away three Lady Gaga VIP packages including two tickets with a VIP limo ride to the concert. On March 19 DJ/Producer Ralphi Rosario will be at Spin, and he is one my favorites.

I will leave you with this funny thing I heard this week, “Yeah, he’s hung like tic-tac!”

The Hillcrest Husbands

Let me start by getting you guys caught up on my fun Friday after my last column. A group of us went to see Lisa Lampanelli at the Spreckels Theatre. Ryan Bedrosian of Rich’s was kind enough to arrange a Hummer limo for us, and by the time we got there we were all feeling pretty happy. Lisa was incredible! I couldn’t believe the things she was getting away with.

After the show, we took our limo to Mo’s to continue our journey. After a couple drinks I went to work at Numbers for Pan Dulce. No need to say it was a long fun night.

Next day was Bear Night at Numbers and we had more than 600 people there. It was another long, but fun night for me.

For Valentine’s Day, I had dinner at the Red Fox Room. If you haven’t been there, then I strongly recommend their steaks.

I will be heading up to San Francisco this weekend for some Imperial Court events and of course some fun.

Have you found your husband yet?

Well, you may find five of them at once. A couple of weeks ago I got a friend request on Facebook from Hillcrest Husbands. My first thought was … what the hell is this? Then one night I was out and saw a couple of them out and asked a couple questions.

So, who are they? Aaron Farrclaw, Erick Sabado, Daniel Jeffries, Eric Reuel and Anthony Mana. Ages range from 26-32 and they are numbered as husbands 1-5. Aaron (1) and Erick (2) have been friends for more than nine years and the others about one year. In September 2010 they decided to form this group.

One thing they all have in common is being spontaneous. So they all went to a tattoo shop and got HH tattooed on their arms. And that’s how the Hillcrest Husbands were formed.

Do they live together? No, but they have an open door policy. They spend more time in each other’s houses than their own. They are a blend of Big Love and Desperate Housewives. They all have very different backgrounds and personalities, but one thing they all agree on is being non-judgmental, loyal, loving, drama free and above all, a lot of fun!

When you see these boys out, they are always having a blast. Their motto is friendship, fun and allowing yourself to be yourself without boundaries, judgment or fear.

Eric (4) was brought up Mormon and of course had a rough time coming out and being able to be comfortable being gay.

“Our goal is to help people realize that they can live their lives without fear of being judged and being comfortable coming out with the support of their friends, while having a lot of fun,” stated Eric.

Can you be husband No. 6? Answer was, “In no way do we want to be exclusive, but the group was formed based on the personal connection between us. Bringing more people in would make it less intimate and personable. Plus, it is already hard to manage five schedules!”

In my experience, they are fun, nice and genuine guys. I am glad we became Facebook friends!

Party Monster tips

This is one of my favorite movies. And here are some of my favorite quotes from it. “I don’t do, I just am extremely rich! I don’t do drugs, did you see that? It just flew up my nose.”

Rule 1: It’s all about photo placement. If you are in a group of three, always, always, always make sure you are the one standing on the right, so when they print the picture you are the one on the left and it reads, “Allan Spyere and blablabla were seen.”

Rule 2: No publicity is bad publicity. Once something is printed, it automatically becomes true so don’t ever dish anyone in press.

Rule 3: Never use heroin.

Rule 4: Never wear white after Labor Day.

The art of working a room. Upon making your grand entrance, take your partner by the hand and circle around the room. Smile and say hello to everyone in the room even if you don’t know them. Then go once around the room in opposite directions, you clockwise and your partner counter clockwise, telling everyone how you’ve lost your friend and how desperate you are to find him. Suddenly you bump into each other and scream.

Then go around the room telling everyone how you found each other. The funny thing is that this actually happens in real life!

Hillcrest Mardi Gras 2011

Mark your calendars. March 8 is our Hillcrest Mardi Gras again. DJ Kimberly S will be spinning and I will be bartending.

Stop by and support this great event for the GSDBA Foundation and the Hillcrest Business Association. Tickets are $50 advanced and $75 at the door.

So much to choose!

This Saturday, there is a lot going on. Spin is doing a cosmic space age party with DJ Marcel and DJ Luis Perez. Rich’s is doing their popular military Active Duty night. And hot popular porn star Adam Killian is making a guest appearance for SCORE at Numbers. Sounds like there is something for everyone’s taste.

Happy Birthday Ryan Bedrosian and Michael Mack!

March 5 at Rich’s, Ryan Bedrosian and Michael Mack will be celebrating their birthdays. Stop by and have a shot with them.

Another celebration is the nine year anniversary party for Club Papi on March 12, also at Rich’s. Always a fun night with hot go-go boys.

See you all on the dance floor. Tootles!

My sweet valentine.

Happy Valentine’s to all my lovers out there! Don’t be depressed if you don’t have one, I am here for you. I know a lot of us freak out over this silly day. Just remember that you can always find a temporary one just for the week. And those are better, just use them and toss them. Don’t do what I usually do, which is dump them before I realize that they are not good enough to be my Valentine. It’s almost impossible to please a hopeless romantic like me. But hey, it’s not every day that a nutcase like me shows up in your life. Here are some ideas for this coming week.

Are those jeans painted on you?

Last weekend, I had the urge to go up to LA to pick up my new laptop, and then have a night out with my friends. We went to the Factory for Super Cherry Pop and I had a blast.

The best part was the music. It was so nice to listen to some old pop songs and not the same dance songs played over and over in all the other clubs. Maybe that’s what we need here, just a fun pop night.

Before I headed up to LA, I stopped at Rufskin to get something to wear. Oh my! I’ve always been a fan of their line and I’ve known Doug and Hubert for way too many years to count. Their jeans just fit me like gloves, but this pair was the talk of the night at the Factory. You know how those LA queens are. If it’s not D&G or some other name brands, then it’s not good enough for them. I had people telling me, “Wow, those are the best looking jeans in here tonight; they look like they are painted on you.”

I couldn’t breathe and my “jewels” were squeezed in there but, the things you do for fashion! With that said I strongly suggest you stop by and take a look at their stuff. You may find something for your loved one, or trick of the week.

Missiles coming your way!

This past week I also came across some interesting line of toys. I do have to say, that as we progress in time, we are all getting more and more creative.

One line features military themed toys like the Dirk Yates A-10 (ass torpedo) and Dirk Yates AM-80 (ass missile). So if your Valentine is in the military, then you are going in the right direction to make him explode, if you know what I mean!

Now if your Valentine is more of a manly man then the Hardware line is better fitting. This line feature toys that resemble tools, nuts, bolts and screws. A good example is the Hexagonal Nut with vibration or the Silicone Drill Bit. I will leave it up your imagination on how to drill your Valentine’s heart.

Who would imagine that you could be a walking torpedo with a vibrating nut around your jewels? Fun stuff!

Get yourself or him ready for it!

DJ Nikno spins Feb. 12 for Voltage.

Yes, it’s been nice and sunny in San Diego and I am so grateful for it. Sad to think that while I was bike riding out in the sun this week at Crown Point, there are people with no power and a freaking snowstorm coming their way. But it was still cold out and I decided to start tanning again.

I went to AZ tanning (1040 University Ave., Suite 213) and they are fantastic. Great beds, friendly staff, good music and even club lights outside. They have great prices for the monthly plans. I tried this hydrating spa that is wonderful after a night of drinking. It sucks all the bad stuff out of your system. The red light therapy bed was also a trip. Very futuristic and relaxing. Every time is relaxing as it is my nap time for the day. I always pass out while tanning.

I also had my chest and stomach done at Parmer Skin (3919 Fourth Ave., Suite C) and it was a good experience.

So now, I am all ready for my Valentine! These also make great Valentine’s gifts.

Good and bad

I finally caught up again with the movies. I went to The Rite with Anthony Hopkins and the movie was predictable and dragged for a while, but later had me jumping off my seat a couple of times. I also went to Black Swan and it was good and weird at the same time. It was one of those movies that when you look at the person next to you and he looks as confused as you. Definitely a good movie for my fellow lesbians. Lots of hot scenes with the two hot girls going at it. In general it was a good movie.

Get charged up with Inaya Day

Saturday, Feb. 12 is Voltage Rewind at Rich’s. DJ Nikno will be spinning all the top Voltage hits from the last four years. Live performance by recording artist Inaya Day. She will be singing her top Billboard dance hits including “Nasty Girl,” “Horny” and “Movin Up.” See you there!

Also that same night they are having the Bitter Sweet Show at 6 p.m. at Numbers to benefit the Community Easter Egg Hunt. I was part of the Easter Egg Hunt last year and we had more than 600 kids. If you would like to get involved contact me at doubleeagleroyalty@gmail.com.

Don’t forget to stop by House Boi for their Red Hot event, Feb. 11, 6-9 p.m. This scorching event features DJ John Joseph, Svedka hosted bar, hot models and go-go dancers, haircuts by Valentino of Beverly Hills and massages by David Feiling. Twenty percent of sales and donations benefit AIDS Lifecycle.

Huge thanks to Cali Griebel for the fantastic photos. Check out her website at photosbycali.com.

Hope you all find some trouble and fun with or without your Valentine. I sure will!

Ribbon Cutting Ceremony at Eden

Happy Thursday! Here we are again! Let me start by getting some things straight…well, as straight as they can be in this publication. For the ones that know me personally, you know how direct and transparent I am. I tell you how it is. Honest truth. And here I wouldn’t be any different. If I like something, then I will tell you and if I dislike something, then I will ALSO tell you. I had some people telling me, “I didn’t know you were so critical.” Hello, have you met me? Obviously, these people don’t know me well enough. Critical is an understatement! Some people say I am mean, some say I am stubborn…I like to say I have a “strong personality” and I voice my opinions very loud and clear. So, that leads me to…

Eden, a new nightlife vision?

After my last column, I received a call from the PR representative of Eden and we chatted for a bit. I was told that Eden has been working closely with the homeowner’s association to address their issues with the nightclub and things are under control. I went to the VIP reception and it was packed. I was told that they had over 1,400 people through the door and that’s an amazing number for a Tuesday night. I do have to say again, I am not impressed with anything there. Don’t get me wrong, the place looks incredible but it looked incredible as Universal. When I heard the tagline “This is a new nightlife vision” I was expecting something different and unique. Maybe I just don’t have the eyes to see such a vision. And neither have most people that I have talked to. All have said “Well it’s great, but nothing special.” One thing I did notice was the sound system. Crystal clear and clean. And although I may be critical, I do want them to succeed. Eden has already done a lot of events to help our community and also bring more people to Hillcrest. I can see a huge effort to bring new entertainment that is more appealing to the gay community. I think all it takes is a change in attitude and Eden will be great!

Comedy, food and dessert

Last Saturday I had a great date…go figure! We started at O’Brothers restaurant. They have a 100 percent organic beef burger, probably the best I’ve ever had and the price was great also. After we stuffed ourselves, we went to the Balboa Theatre to see Joan Rivers. OMG, was she funny? I could not believe the things she was saying. She asked the old people and handicapped to just roll away and leave! After what I saw on her DVD movie called A Piece of Work, I was glad to see that she had a sold out show in San Diego and is back to her glory days. She even made jokes about her husband’s suicide! And I know that’s a hard topic for her. I can’t wait for Lisa Lampanelli on Feb. 4 at 7:30 at the Spreckels Theatre. To end the night, we tried to stop by Extraordinary Desserts on the way home for some sweets but they had a line out the door and honestly their prices are a little outrageous. Our next stop was Babycakes. And was it worth it! The pistachio cupcake and lava cake were to die for. It was interesting to watch the mix of young kids that used to hang out at the old Living Room together with the folks drinking at the bar. I guess they have found the perfect formula to draw those two crowds to one place. Go Babycakes!

Brent Everett

Thirsty Thursdays are fun! I’ve been going to WET at Bourbon St. with Benny on Thursdays and God…are they a mess! Very entertaining to watch. After that, people migrate to Numbers for Foreplay. They have hot go-go boys and great music. Plus, Nester and Travis serving cocktails. And the best thing, no cover at both places! Rich’s Repent is going strong for the girls. Go check it out if you are one of those adventurous lesbians. I guarantee you will have a good time with Meaghan.

Fun weekend places to go

Only in San Diego can you have this fantastic weather in January. Last weekend, I went for a walk at Sunset Cliffs in Ocean Beach and it was fantastic. If you haven’t been, you should go. The climb down is not as bad as Black’s Beach and not a lot of people. Just a lot of hot surfers! The sunset was amazing. Just take Sunset Cliffs all the way to the end and walk towards the university dorms (try not to get distracted like me) and you will hit the spot. I also went to the Sweetwater Swap Meet. Aren’t you proud? I am keeping up my New Year’s resolution to become more economical, aka cheap! When we got there it was like I had just entered Mexico. Language spoken was Spanish and not a single white man to cruise. I blended right in with my ability to talk them down in price and to bargain. And also sing and dance to the Latin tunes playing in the background. I felt like I was at work at Pan Dulce at Numbers. This swap meet was huge! I mean, we were there for hours and still didn’t have time to look at everything. They were selling everything. Bags of oranges, furniture, electronics, etc. I was surprised I didn’t see anyone selling their mother! Check it out. It’s worth it. Ophelia and Cristina Monet, when are we going?

Sweet Valentine

Valentine’s Day is coming and I hope I will have one this year. But if not…there are always toys to keep you company! On Feb. 5, F Street in North Park will be bringing porn star Brent Everett for a night of fun and DVD/photo signing. Brent will be showing his new Fleshjack line from 7 p.m.-9 p.m. After that, he will be heading to Eden with Chi Chi LaRue for a night of fun.

Hope to see you out at one of these events or places. Say hi or hit me up on Facebook with comments and suggestions. Tootles.

Hello friends and Happy 2011!!!! I am so glad that 2010 is gone…what a year!! But 2011 started with a bang and I have the feeling it will only get better. So speaking of New Year’s, there were a lot of things going on in town that weekend.

New Year’s Madness

There were many options to choose from to celebrate the beginning of 2011. Unfortunately, I had to work at Numbers that night, but I still had a blast. I heard that Massive at Rich’s was packed to the point that it was impossible to move around. I also heard that Spin had a decent crowd. I am sure Urban Mo’s was also popular and a lot of fun. So was Club San Diego, with all the out of town visitors…girrrl some fresh meat for 2011! And, if you stopped by Numbers for their first Bearnight then you saw how packed and fun that was. I can’t wait for the one on February 5th!!! Let me tell you, 24 Hour Fitness has never been as busy as on December 31st. Everyone was trying to get their last workout in (or their first, for those people whose New Year’s resolution is to get back in shape).

Kobey’s Swap Meet

My New Year’s resolution was to become more economical, so I decided to take a trip to the swap meet with my friend Nicole, Big Mike and my bf. After 15 minutes, we realized that it was like gay days at Kobey’s Swap Meet. We ran into Ophelia, Christina Monet and others trying to find their new pair of fake Gucci sunglasses. That place was never so “colorful” and loud…you know Ophelia, you can hear her voice and recognize her from miles away…. I, on the other hand, was trying to be butch and got sidetracked with electronics and tools. I know it’s my lesbian side! So if you haven’t been to Kobey’s, go check it out. There are a lot of good deals, like 1500 thread count Egyptian sheets for $19.99 and a lot of unique finds like old video games for geeks like my bf.

Eden

The anticipation keeps growing as the opening of the nightclub part of Eden is approaching. Everyone is wondering if and for how long they will be successful. I have to be honest and say that I have not been impressed with either the restaurant or the bar the times I have been there. It still feels like Universal and the staff attitude is still the same. I also heard that the homeowners association for Uptown condos is already putting pressure to not have a nightclub in that location. Only time will tell…I really hope that their eyes will open….

Latin nights

We all know that Latinos can party like rock stars, but lately I have noticed that the Latin nights have not been as busy as they used to be. Wednesday nights at the Brass Rail are lame, but they make up for it on Saturdays. Pan Dulce at Numbers is still pumping, but nothing like it used to be at Bacchus House. And Urban Mo’s is starting their RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 3 viewing party on Mondays, so no more Latin night. Speaking of RuPaul’s Drag Race, I had an agent call me last week about booking that queen, who is part of Season 3, for an event in January. Now the season hasn’t even started and this delirious diva (diva in her own mind) wanted to charge $1,000 for a 30 min show. Not even if she could suck and whistle at the same time, would it be worth that money! These Divas are losing their minds. I think the wigs are overheating their brains.

Safe sex, safe sex and safe sex

Last month I went in for my usual testing at UCSD and I have to tell you that it was very informative. I’ve been tested tons of times but I guess you always learn something new, even tricks on how to avoid infection if for some reason you run out of condoms and had to do it…or on one of those drunk nights. Rule #1: Use lots of lube. (less chance of breaking skin) Rule #2: Pee right after you get done…so get used to the line…. “Wow that was amazing….would you excuse me for a minute…..I have to pee.” I also told the counselor that I’ve noticed an increase in infection of a lot of younger guys. And I guess that it is true. 19-24 are the high risk ages. With the advance in technology and medication, the newer generation has developed a new attitude: “Oh it’s okay, I can just take a pill tomorrow” or “My friend is positive and only takes one pill a day.” I urge all of you reading this to change that mentality in 2011. Be safe!!! I am calling for a boycott of bareback porn. Who’s with me???

Movies

I finally got caught up with my movies over the holidays. First, I saw I Love You Phillip Morris and it was not that funny at all. I honestly hated it. And to my surprise Little Fockers was not either. Tron Legacy was incredible. It kept my attention the whole time, but again I am a nerd. And Harry Potter! I hated it to the point that I left the theater. What happened with all the cool stuff they used to have in the other movies???? Now it is just an endless boring plot.

Coronation 2011

If you want to see me all dressed up as royalty, then join me at the Center Saturday January 22nd at 6:00 pm. That night I will be assuming the position of Co-president of the Imperial Court de San Diego. All the proceeds of that event will go to charity. So come by and support our community. That same night Varla Jean Merman is doing a show at Martinis Above Forth. I’ve seen her live before and she’s hilarious…. See you in two weeks…Toodles.